


Life is but a Dream

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Awkward Conversations, Character Death, Drinking, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 15:04:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21358192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Dean Winchester has a boring normal life. He is raising his son alone after the death of his wife and working in the shop he now owns. But these crazy dreams keep feeling more real and a new friend in his life feels a little more familiar than he should.
Relationships: Becky Rosen/Chuck Shurley, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters, Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63
Collections: DCBB 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is edited to the best of my ability. I just recently had shoulder surgery and so I had to stop. I will try to edit it more in a few weeks when I can fully use both my hands again. So, if you see something big, please feel free to let me know, without being rude about it please.
> 
> I want to thank leaf zelindor for the wonderful art for this story. Check them out here https://leafzelindor.tumblr.com/

The hospital couldn’t even give Dean his own room. This was all that Castiel remembered thinking when he finally arrived at the hospital. Dean had saved the world more times than he could count, yet he had to share a room. Where was the justice in that? You fight and you fight, and you lose everything that has ever meant anything to you, only to be rewarded with some old guy who snores so loud you can barely hear yourself think. This was more proof on the unfairness that is human life.

“I am sorry that it took me so long to get here,” Castiel whispered over a sleeping Dean. He had completely become human a little over three years ago. Castiel had chosen Dean over everything else. Dean needed him and maybe he needed Dean just as much. That meant that it took him longer to do things. He could not pop in and out of nowhere. Worst of all, he could no longer heal Dean. He chose Dean and now he was losing him. Had he made the wrong decision?

“He hasn’t really been awake much today.” A familiar voice stepped in, startling Castiel a bit. “I think he is trying to save as much energy as he can.”

Castiel looked up from Dean and gave a smile to Grace, Dean’s main nurse. She was not really the main nurse, she just seemed to always be the one who was here whenever Castiel was around. Dean had been here for three months, working to get better. Castiel wanted to be by his side but he used his time to search over the earth for answers. Being an ex-angel did not give him an advantage. He was still empty handed and Dean was still dying.

“He is stubborn,” Castiel stated very matter-of-fact. He knew that Dean was dying and as much as he did not want it to be true, it was going to happen, no matter how hard he fought at this point. Castiel wished he still believed that things worked out but he had lost faith the day he lost his wings.

"That is good,” Grace smiled, checking Dean IVs. “The stubborn ones fight the hardest. If anyone can make miracles happen, my money is on the stubborn ones.”

“No one is there to make them,” Castiel said in a deep voice, his eyes sadly wondering over Dean’s limp body.

“Excuse me?” She turned her attention to Castiel, cocking her head to the side questioningly.

“Miracles,” Castiel looked back up at her, his blue eyes distant and sad. “There is no one there to make them anymore.”

Grace did not respond to him, unsure of what one would even say to something such as that. She believed in her faith but she also knew that Castiel was going through a hard time right now and that everyone grieved differently. So, she simply offered him a smile, rested her hand on his shoulder for a moment and then exited the room.

“No one is there,” Castiel said to himself once more, his eyes filling with tears. That was probably the worst feature of being human. He hated tears.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Cas,” Castiel jumped up, almost falling out of his chair. “You came.”

Castiel was hurt that Dean thought for even a moment that he would not arrive. Everything that Castiel did was for Dean. He had given up everything that he had ever known for Dean. Who would do that and then disappear when someone needed them the most? Though the track record of people in Dean’s life made him push away the hurt and try to be understanding. Now was not the time to feel angry toward Dean.

“Of course I came,” Castiel shook his head and repositioned himself in his chair. “I told you on the phone that I would.”

Castiel looked over his friend, though he was so much more than that. He did not know how to say what Dean was. He was the human that made him question his existence as an angel. He is the human that made him question God, his father that he had followed blindly for all of his eternity. He was the human that he had clipped his wings for. Was that the definition of just being a friend?

Cas wondered so much about Dean as he looked over his fragile body. He looked physically better. The bruises had faded and the cuts were almost completely gone. It was the things on the inside that held all of the damage. Typical Dean, keeping all of the pain on the inside.

“Did you find anything?” Dean asked, no hope in his voice. He had not believed that Cas was going to find an answer and if he did find an answer, Dean was sure the price for it would not be worth saving his life. If there was one person who understood the consequence of an action it was Dean. Sometimes the risks were not worth it.

“I thought I had a few leads,” Castiel was very business-like in answering his question, something that he was still working on. “None of them showed any real promise. I will keep looking though. I will never stop looking.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded his head but Castiel knew what he was thinking. He did not have to be an angel to get inside of Dean’s head, he knew Dean better than he knew himself. Dean knew he was going to die.

“I will find a way to fix you Dean,” Castiel tried to be more assertive in trying to reassure Dean but even he did not believe the words. Did he just give up? Castiel did not figure himself to be someone who gave up that easily. It took a lot to break down his missions and this was his most important one yet.

“I know you will,” Dean reached out and placed his hand on top of Castiel’s. Castiel flinched to the touch, not because Dean was touching him but because it did not feel like Dean. Dean put power into the things that he did. There was nothing powerful in Dean’s touch. It was weak and clammy and cold. It was not Dean; it was the shell of Dean. His Dean was no longer there.

“Do you think Sam is there?” Dean began to speak again, looking Castiel directly in the eye. Castiel could see the tears that Dean was fighting back and he suddenly had to fight tears as well.

“Dean,” Castiel tilted his head to the side, trying to make sense of what Dean was saying. “Sam is gone; he is not anywhere that I will be looking.”

“But do you think he will be there when I get there?” Dean asked again, making himself a little clearer but not clear enough for Castiel to fully understand.

“When you get where Dean?” Castiel wanted to understand and felt embarrassment that he didn’t. He knew that he was slower than most when it came to certain things but he really needed to understand.

“Heaven?” Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Or hell. You think I am going to hell Cas?”

“No,” Castiel was stern and sat up straight in his chair. “You are not dying. But if you were, you would not be going to hell. You deserve so much more than hell.”

“Doesn’t mean I am going to heaven,” Dean stared off at the wall on the other side of the room. “I don’t really deserve heaven. I’ve done more bad things that I would like to think about. Those things don’t get people into heaven.”

“Dean,” Castiel began, reaching out to put his other hand on top of Deans, sandwiching it in. “You are not…”

“I thought you were dead,” Dean interrupted.

“I am not dead Dean,” Castiel tried to get Dean’s attention but he continued to look away.

“You of all people should know that dead doesn’t mean forever,” Tessa stood over the edge of Dean’s bed, smiling down at him. “It was like a horrible vacation.”

“Rained the whole time?” Dean asked with a slight laugh.

“Pretty much,” she laughed back, though she wished she was somewhere else completely. There was a time that she wanted to help Dean move on but then she grew to like him and now she wished it was anyone but him.

“Dean I don’t understand,” Castiel shook Dean’s hand hard, pulling his attention back to him. “What are you talking about?”

“I love you man,” Dean gave Castiel a weak smile before turning his head back toward the wall. “I’m ready.”

“Dean,” Castiel was panicked, his heart racing as the machines started to go crazy. “Dean?”

Castiel stood up and hovered over his friend, shaking him to get his attention back but there was no response. The only thing Cas got was a loud beeping in his ear that hurt all the way into the pit of his stomach. Soon he was surrounded by nurses and doctors. They pushed him out of the way until he was no longer in the room.

“Dean?” He screamed through the door. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. He knew the feeling of throwing up and hoped it would not happen, but he did not trust anything anymore. “I’ll just wait here then.”


	2. Just your ordinary life

Dean threw his hands up over his eyes to block out the light. It was so bright that it made his eyes feel like they were burning out of his head. Light was supposed to be good but this light felt like it was boiling his insides and ripping him to shreds. There was nothing good about this feeling. He hated the light.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Dean sat up completely in his bed, sweat rolling off his forehead. That was the fifth time this month that he had, had this dream. It was always the same dream too. Nothing ever changed, from the way things looked to the way that it tasted and smelled. Yet every time it felt unfamiliar, as if it were all completely new to him.

He was walking in the middle of nowhere, nothing but grassland and trees. It was quiet, not even a bug to buzz in his ears. The sun was hanging hot overhead and there was not a cloud to be seen.

Off in the distance, Dean could see something that resembled a house but as he got closer to it, he realized that it was a barn. There were no animals to signify that a barn should be here or a house for its owner to live, it was just a barn. It takes him forever to figure out how to get the door open, pushing and pulling with all of his strength and yet it does not budge.

Finally, he gives up trying to get in the barn and turns around to walk away. A loud crash always stops him from taking his first step and he turns back to the barn, only to have the door wide open. It is at this point that he gets scared, unsure if he should enter the barn but he always does. He always finds his feet moving against his fear and soon he is standing right in the middle of the barn. It is dark and dirty and smells of musk.

Then there is this high-pitched scream. He covers his ears, trying to stop the splitting migraine that takes over his head. He wants to run away but when he starts to run there is this bright light in his path. At first, it is not so bad but the closer it gets to him the brighter it gets until he cannot breathe. His eyes and his skin begin to burn and it feels like he is boiling alive and then … nothing.

That is as far as Dean gets before his alarm wakes him up. Every time, like clockwork, his alarm wakes him up from the exact same place in his dream. Every time he questions why this is but soon he brushes it off and rolls out of bed. Today is no different from those other days.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean laid in bed for a while after his alarm went off. He kept trying to figure out what it all meant but he continued to come up empty handed. And no matter how badly the dream made him feel or how confused he was, he still had to get up and live his life. So, he crawled his way out of bed and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day. He did not really have the time to take off and work through whatever it was that his dream was trying to tell him or he would crawl right back into bed.

“Ben,” Dean yelled as he stepped into the bathroom and walked over to the shower. He called out for Ben one more time before turning on the shower and beginning to strip out of his t-shirt and boxers.

Dean stepped into the shower and let the hot water roll over his skin. At first it made him jump, remembering the burning pain from the light in his dream but soon it felt wonderful, loosening the muscles in his neck and shoulders, enough to help him make it through another day of work. One of these days he was going to get a massage. He told himself this exact thing every morning though and still hasn’t pursued it.

“This morning stuff is horrible,” Ben grumbled as he entered the bathroom. “They should have summer school at night or at least not have it start until noon.”

“They are just preparing you for the future,” Dean laughed at his son, who complained every morning about the time it was. Ever since Ben was born he had been a night time baby. He slept during the day and was wide awake at night. Made for some tiresome nights in their home but he got a little better as he got older.

“I am going to be a bartender or some other job where you can work nights,” Ben informed Dean of his future plans.

“I am glad to know that you have such high ambitions,” Dean quickly washed his body so that he could get to work on time. It did not matter if he was late because he owned the shop and he did not have any customers right in the morning but still, he hated being late for work. How your morning goes reflects how your entire day will go, in his opinion anyways.

“I have sleep ambitions,” Ben laughed, walking out of the bathroom to continue getting ready for his day. Dean and Ben both had pretty independent mornings. Dean made sure that Ben was awake to get ready for school and then that was it. Dean got ready for work, grabbed coffee on the way and Ben got ready for school and got himself off to the bus for summer school, ensuring he would probably be a bartender. Now that Ben was twelve, he was better equipped to take care of himself.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Pulling his truck into his normal parking spot, Dean kicked the engine off and climbed out. Sam liked to laugh at him for getting a truck that is so high off the ground. Dean is not a short man by any means but his truck was so high that he had to climb out of it. Ben thinks his dad is trying to fill some manly code. Sam on the other hand tells him that he is trying to fill a void that is Lisa. Even though Lisa died three years ago, Dean was not completely over it. How do you get over the only person you ever truly loved?

Dean tried not to think about it much. He missed her but she was gone. Thinking about her did not bring her back, all it did was cause him to hurt. Living life without her was hard enough, he did not need to keep reminding himself of that hurt. That did not mean he forgot about her or tried to forget about her. He tried to keep her memory alive the best that he could for Ben. Ben was only nine when she had passed away. He could remember his mom but his memories were not always the strongest and Dean never wanted him to forget his mother. Dean never would, not after knowing her his entire life. But that did not mean he couldn’t move on.

The day tiptoed by. Every time he looked at a clock, it was as if it hadn’t moved. Not really the best way to end his week but it was what it was. It was mid-summer and while business was good and bills were more than paid, people were travelling and not coming in as much on Friday’s. People wanted everything to be done during the week so they could do fun stuff during the weekend. Dean had forgotten what fun stuff was these days.

Dean was a work-a-holic and Ben was more interested in playing with his friends or playing his video games than want to spend time with his boring dad. When Dean found out that Lisa was pregnant, even though they were only fifteen, he thought that the only good thing was that he was going to be close in age to his son. They would be able to relate to one another. He was wrong. No one on this earth made Dean feel as old as Ben did.

“Little brother,” A loud voice echoed its way through Dean’s shop. “Where are you man?”

Dean stepped out of his office and shook his head at Sam. Sam was younger than Dean by five years, but because Dean was noticeably shorter than his little brother, people always mistook Sam as being the older brother, sometimes they even mistook Adam as being the oldest, he got his big brothers good looks was the only reason.

“I have it in my right mind to beat your ass,” Dean held a wrench out towards his brother. “You think you are so funny and someone needs to show you the light.”

Dean flinched when he said the word light but he was certain that Sam did not see him. Something about those dreams was really messing him up, more than he had expected them to. Maybe they did have something to do with Lisa. Dean was not really one to believe in anything other than what is, but they had to mean something. Even if it was just his subconscious trying to talk to him.

“If you do that I won’t be able to invite you to my party,” Sam held up his hands pretending to protect himself from his brother.

“What party?” Dean raised an eyebrow up at his brother. Dean was not sure why Sam would want to invite him to a party, Dean was not really the partying type and he had a kid. Partying and having a kid were not good at the same time.

“My fraternity is having a party this evening,” Sam boasted, always so proud of himself for being a college boy. “And I would really like it if you came.”

“Sam, you know I don’t do parties,” Dean leaned under the hood of a car to avoid having to make eye contact with Sam.

“You are going,” Sam informed him and Dean grumbled. Ever since they were younger they had been making each other do things they didn’t want to do. It was sort of an unwritten law among them. When one of the finalized it, unless they had a life or death excuse, they had to do it.

“I hate you,” Dean mumbled from under the hood of the car.

“I love you too,” Sam laughed, patting his brother on the shoulder. “See you at nine.”


	3. Not Really One to Party

Dean pulled into the driveway of his mom and dad’s house and hesitated to get out. Ben was more than happy to spend the evening with his grandparents and was already out the door. Ben told his dad that he needed to go to this party and have a good time. Ben had been worried that his dad was losing his touch with reality. He hadn’t really gotten out much in the last three years and it was about time. Ben of all people understood how it was hard but he also hated seeing his dad locked in the house every night watching television or working on his car in the garage.

A part of Dean appreciated that his son wanted to see him happy and do things. Another part of Dean was sad. He was sad that his son even noticed these things. Ben should not be seeing that Dean has no life. Ben should not be worried that Dean needs to get out of the house more. These were not things that your twelve-year-old kid needed to notice.

Dean thanked his mom for keeping Ben for the evening, though she was more than happy to have him. They were a little angry when fifteen-year-old Dean got his girlfriend pregnant but from the day that Ben was born, they loved him like he was their fourth son and he loved them just the same. If he was not at home or at a friend’s, Ben was spending time with his grandma, grandpa and occasionally his uncle Adam, if Adam was not off doing whatever seventeen year olds do these days. He also spent time with Lisa’s parents but they lived a couple hours away and it was harder for him to see them.

“Dean,” his mom stopped him before he pulled out of the driveway. “Promise me that you will try to have fun.”

“I promise mom,” he gave her a smile. If there was one thing that he was good at, it was pretending to have fun. He just needed to make sure that he did it long enough to convince Sam. Then he would go home, catch up on his DVR and sleep in.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean parked a few blocks away from his brother’s fraternity. Not because he did not want to be seen but because you never knew what a bunch of drunk frat guys were going to do to a vehicle sitting in front of their house. He would rather leave with his truck in the same condition in which he had arrived with it in.

He was still not sure that he wanted to be doing this but he needed to help his family realize that he really was okay. Maybe if he could convince his family, he would be able to start convincing himself. He liked to say that he was okay but there really was no hard evidence that he was. Being alive and being there for Ben was all that he really had to show, well that and his shop. He was proud of his shop.

“Dean!” Sam’s voice yelled out over the yard of the fraternity house. It was littered with little red cups and college student’s laughing and having a good time. College seemed to be the only place where people could get away with things like that. Fraternities had their own laws in the world of college. If the cops were called, something seriously bad was going down. Maybe they figured that good college students couldn’t get into too much trouble. They were wrong but turning the other cheek was a thing with cops around here.

“Hey Sammy,” As Dean got up to the porch, he hugged his clearly intoxicated brother. “Some party.”

“I am so glad that you made it,” Sam pulled Dean under his arm and squeezed him. “I have a surprise for you.”

“That is never good coming from a drunk guy,” Dean laughed, walking with his brother into the house.

Inside the house was loud and students stretched from wall to wall, assuming they were students. It appeared to be the place to be on a Friday night. It was possible that a few people were dragged here the way he was, if only Charlie were around, he would have dragged her with him. She loved to have fun and was always on Dean about getting out of the house. She was going to be jealous that he went to his first college party without her. He wished she was here.

“Jess,” Sam let go of Dean and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend. They had entered a smaller room with less people and Dean immediately felt more comfortable. “Look who made it.

“Hey Dean,” Jess smiled over at Dean, wrapping her arms around Sam. Dean liked Jess, she was sweet and really cared about Sam. Even now in his drunken state, Dean could see the love that she had for him radiating off of her. He used to get that look from Lisa and hoped that people noticed him giving it back. He was so happy his brother got to have that kind of love.

“Dean, let me introduce to the crew,” Sam motioned to those who were in the room. There were not many but they seemed to be a very diverse group of people. The kind of people you would see paired together in a tv drama. If you didn’t know they were friends or no one told you, you definitely would not make the assumption on your own.

“You know Chuck,” Sam pointed to Chuck Shurley, his best friend since entering college. Dean had met Chuck a few times. He was slightly closer to Dean’s age, a little more into school than Sam. He looked older than he was though with a well maintained beard and clothes did this not scream future lawyer. He was a little on the weird side but he seemed like a good guy.

“Next to him we have Chuck’s girlfriend Becky,” Sam pointed at the girl beside Chuck and she smiled and gave Dean a slight wave. She seemed more nerdy college student, just by the looks of her. She was modestly attractive but her clothes were very conservative. She had a slight crazy vibe about her as well, which Dean laughed at internally. He was impressed with Chuck. The crazy ones were kinky right?

“Here we have Bella Talbot,” Sam pointed to a brunette sitting in a corner chair, slowly drinking whatever it was in her cup. She had long brown hair that fell in curls over her shoulders, big eyes that seemed like they would help her get whatever she wanted and pouty lips. Dean made a mental note to avoid this girl. She looked like she could get him into some trouble. Though maybe he needed a little bit of trouble.

“This is Ruby,” Sam gave Dean a wink as he pointed over at Ruby, a blond with attitude literally flowing off her. She was the blond cheerleader type, pretty but bad ass and could probably take you in a fight if you pushed her into a corner, Dean liked her.

“Then over here we have Kevin Tran, nerd extreme.” Kevin got up and shook Dean’s hand. He was a tiny Asian guy who looked no older than his son Ben but obviously he was old enough to be at this party. At least Dean hoped that he was old enough to be at this party. He had a beard which was convincing. Or, at least what appeared to be a good attempt at a beard.

“And this is Castiel Novak,” Dean turned his head to see a man sitting in the corner. He looked older than everyone else and definitely did not look like he fit into this scene, which Dean could relate to. He was wearing nice black slacks that fit neatly with his polished black shoes. A dark blue shirt that you could almost confuse for black, tucked into them. A tie tied loosely around his neck. Dean assumed there was a black jacket to go with the outfit, he just wasn’t wearing it at the time. Not really the type of person Dean spent that much time with, though strangely, he wanted to.

“Nice to meet you all,” Dean said to all of them, yet his eyes took a while to move off of Castiel. Maybe it was because he looked closer to Dean’s age. It could also be that he looked like he did not belong at this party and that is exactly how Dean felt about himself. “So are y’all Law students?”

“Pre-Med” Kevin chimed in, distaste in his voice, he obviously was not a huge fan of the lawyer profession. That or he did not like that Dean did not just automatically know that he was going to be a doctor of sorts. Hopefully not a doctor of people, he did not look like he would be good with confrontation and you needed some balls to be a doctor. That and he was tiny. Dean wanted a Doctor who looked like he could save his life, not a man who looks like he would scream if a spider crawled up beside him.

“English,” Ruby offered up her major which just sounded like a class one would take. Dean knew better than that though, his grandparents being a teacher and a librarian but still, English sounded like a class, not a job.

“The rest are law students,” Sam chimed in happily. “Well, all except Castiel.”

“Yeah,” Dean turned his attention back to Castiel, who blushed slightly, or at least Dean thought he saw him blush. He definitely looked the part of a Lawyer, well dressed, even at a college frat party. He was older than the rest, so Dean assumed maybe he was a Med Student, since he heard that takes forever. “So, what do you study?”

“I am a teacher here,” He answered, almost not wanting to admit it. Teachers were not really supposed to party with their students but here he was. Dean had to look him over a little closer. He did not look like the cool teacher who comes to parties or sleeps with his female students, though Dean knew to never really judge a book by its cover. People had a way of surprising you.

“A teacher at a frat party,” Dean laughed, tilting his head towards his brother. “I thought teachers were the uncool ones who failed you when you came in hung over or called the cops because the neighbor kids were being too loud.”

“Yeah, well,” Castiel laughed and took a drink of his beer, or at least Dean assumed it was beer. Dean could see that he was uncomfortable and that was Dean’s fault. He should have kept his mouth shut but then again, he never really was good at that. “I lost a bet.”

“Nice,” Dean laughed to himself, reaching over to grab the beer that was being handed to him. If he was going to party, he may as well do it right.

Dean took a seat on the couch next to Bella and Kevin. They were all talking about classes that they were taking this summer to fill some credit requirements. Dean would have thought they would want to go home for the summer, but school was obviously a full time gig these days. Dean was not the biggest fan of school, so college had always been out of the question. He tried to keep up the best that he could but mainly he felt like the person who wore bright colors to a funeral.

“I am going to go get a little air,” Dean let himself up from the couch and flashed his brother a smile. He did not want Sam to think that he was not having a good time, even though he wasn’t. He needed Sam to believe that all was going well, that way he could pass the news along to their mother.

Dean worked his way out of the room and then had to work himself through the crowds of people. People were everywhere. There were people dancing, some in groups, some with another person and some just by themselves, their drunken state swaying back and forth to the music. Then you had a litter of people here and there that were making out. Dean almost envied them. It had been a very long time since he had kissed someone.

Dean felt bad when he finally made it into the back yard. He did not want to be a downer but he was not enjoying himself with Sam’s friends. They did not seem like bad people but all they did was talk about school and their classes. Parties were supposed to be where you got away from your life, not where you got drunk and talked about them in a louder tone. Dean had nothing to add in at any time so he figured he would not be missed.

“Hey you,” Ruby came over to where Dean had found a bench out back and sat down next to him. He smiled up at her but was not sure how he felt about being joined. Hopefully she was a cool as she seemed. “Not enjoying the party?”

“Not really my thing,” Dean admitted, taking a drink of his beer. He did not really know what his thing was anymore, but he was fairly certain that this was not it. “I am not really a party going type but Sam made me come.”

“You don’t look like the type of guy who does things just because someone else wants them to,” She brushed her shoulder up against him, causing him to smile again.

“Well,” Dean laughed, moving his arm and sliding it slightly behind her. “Sammy has a way of making people do things. Guess it is a good thing he is becoming a lawyer.”

“I know what you mean,” She laughed. “I was supposed to go home for the summer but Sam and Jess were stuck on campus taking summer classes and somehow here I am, taking summer classes like a loser.”

“You don’t look like a loser to me,” Dean flirted at her. He was rusty in his flirting skills but he did not feel like he was doing too badly. She was laughing and flirting back, giving him the batted eye lashes and shy hair twirls. Yet somehow, he was still not enjoying himself. “Way too pretty to be a loser.”

Ruby blushed and put her hand on his lap. For some reason he moved it away, but quickly apologized to her. It was not his intention. She did not seem mad, since he apologized right away. He knew this was going to take some getting used to.

Together, they began to carry on casual conversations, taking about the meaningless things in their lives. It seemed like the kind of conversation that you would have with the receptionist on the phone just to clear up the dead time and keep it from being silent. She was hot and all but there was clearly no chemistry.

Not wanting to be rude though, Dean let her continue talking and listened as intently as he could, at least until Castiel appeared in the doorway. He was a good ten feet away from them and his sights were focused on some college kids that were having a fight in the pool. Dean turned his attention to the fight for a moment but soon his eyes were fixed back on Castiel. Dean was not sure what it was, but there was something about Castiel that intrigued him.

“Hey Cas,” Ruby finally stopped talking long enough to notice that Castiel was outside near them. She seemed slightly annoyed by his presence, which was stupid, considering there were about fifteen other people outside within close proximity to them. “Can we help you with something?”

“Was just getting some air,” he choked out, his face turning slightly red. He turned his face away from Dean and Ruby, obviously aware that his face showed his embarrassment. “I was not trying to interrupt anything.”

“You didn’t” Dean blurted out, not really sure where it came from. He needed a way to break apart this alone time with Ruby. Part of him was also glad that it was Castiel who had broken the conversation between them up. Dean, aware of the fact that he was sending signals to Ruby turned his attention to Castiel. “I can understand needing to get some air around here. Not really your thing is it?”

“No,” Castiel admitted, trying not to make eye contact with Ruby who was staring him down. He could feel her eyes burning a hole into the side of his head but he did not care. “I think I am headed home though, so you two have a good night.”

“You need a ride man?” Dean asked him, quickly standing up. “I could really use a good reason to get out of this party.”

“Well, I better get back inside,” Ruby pushed her way passed Dean and Castiel, obviously angry that things did not go her way. Dean felt bad about brushing her off but he really wanted to go home, much more than he wanted to hook up with some hot college chick.

“I can walk,” Castiel turned down Dean’s offer. “I live less than a mile away, so no need to put yourself out.”

“I would not be putting myself out at all,” Dean smiled, pulling his keys from his pocket. “Just let me say goodbye to my brother.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean brought his truck to a complete stop. Even though they had only left the party about five minutes ago, Dean felt better already. He was not against drinking and having a good time, parties were just not his way of doing it. He preferred more intimate gatherings. Though lately when it came to drinking, he did it by himself, in his office, after Ben was in bed. Not the best way to go about drinking but still better than parties.

“Thank you for the ride,” Castiel smiled over at Dean. “I am not even sure how they talked me into going to a party.”

“Yeah,” Dean laughed, pulling his keys from the ignition, a habit he had formed when parking for more than a few minutes. “I was kind of curious about that one as well.”

“I lost a bet, though I had intended to lose it the entire time,” he gave a little more detail behind his reasoning.

“What kind of bet would you be making with students?” Dean inquired, wondering if it was something sports wise. Though, Castiel did not look like the type to really be into sports. Maybe something like Soccer, people liked Soccer right?

“Sam, Jessica and Bella are all in my religion class and their grades were not where I had expected them to be, so I made a deal,” Castiel laughed while telling his story, though it was more of a nervous laugh than an amused laugh. “They were not failing by any means but they were not doing as well as I knew they could do. So I asked them what I needed to do in order to get them to step up their game and Sam suggested a party. After that it was all that I heard. When they all ended the term with As, I had to follow through.”

“I needed some teachers like you in high school,” Dean laughed, thinking about how fun it would have been to see some of his tightly wound teachers at a party. “Maybe I would have done a little better.”

“Probably would have led to more trouble,” Castiel laughed again, only this time it was out of amusement. “Drinking with a bunch of high school students is probably not in a teacher’s best interest.”

Dean smiled at Castiel. He could tell that Castiel found what he had said funny by the look in his eyes. Dean did not see the humor in Castiel’s words but he appreciated that the teacher had some sort of sense of humor, even if it was a dry and hard to understand one.

“Well thank you for the ride,” Castiel reached for the doorknob and pushed the door open. Dean was not ready for him to get out but was not sure how to drag the conversation on any longer. “Saved my legs.”

“Of course,” Dean nodded at him and put his keys back into the ignition. “Anything to get out of that damn party.”

Castiel and Dean laughed together. It was a feeling that Dean had not had in a while. He had laughed but they had all been faked to play a part. Tonight was not a complete waste if the one thing that he got from it was a laugh and from a suited teacher no less.

“Hey Castiel,” Dean called over to Castiel who was walking up his front porch walk.

“Just call me Cas,” Castiel turned around to look at Dean, a smile still on his face.

“Would you like to get a beer sometime?” Dean asked, thinking it might be nice to make a friend, or at least attempt to. He did not have many left.

“That would be nice,” Castiel reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet as he made his way over to Dean’s window. He then pulled out a white card and handed it over. “Here is my card, the number on the back is my cell.”

Dean took out his wallet and slipped the card in. He then took out a black card of his own with white lettering. He handed it to Castiel who took it and smiled.

“I will give you a call,” Dean nodded at Castiel. “My cell is the last one.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Castiel smiled at Dean before turning back and heading in for the night.

Dean watched until Castiel was completely inside his home before driving off. Part of him wanted to head to his mothers to pick up Ben. Though he would never admit it, he hated when Ben was not home with him. But he knew Ben was excited to be staying with his grandparents, so he left him be. He decided that maybe it was time to call it a night.


	4. Pool, Beer and Conversation

It had been a few days since the party and life had continued on as normal. Sam told his mother that Dean showed up but also that Dean seemed a little too eager to leave. Dean explained to his mother that he just was not having that good of a time but that he had tried and he really had. It was not his fault that he was not into frat parties. They seemed like something you really had to acquire a taste for or at least be a few years younger to enjoy. His mom left it alone after that but he was certain she would bring it back up eventually.

Though it was the middle of the week, Dean was on his way to drop Ben off once again with his parents. Ben had the next two days off from summer school, even though it was in the middle of the week. Something about his teacher getting sick and needing to take a few days off. Whatever the reason, Ben wanted to spend his day off going fishing with his grandfather and who was Dean to argue. That had always been his favorite past time as a child.

“Hey Sammy,” Dean smiled into his phone. “You up for getting a drink with your big brother?”

“I wish I could Dean,” Sam began to turn Dean down, which actually bummed Dean out slightly. “I have this paper to write and I really need to get it finished.”

“Another time buddy,” Dean brushed it off as no problem. “You go ace that paper of yours.”

Dean hung up with his brother and turned his truck to head home. He could chat up Ellen or Bobby, if they were even working tonight. They tended to just hire people to work the bar these days and stayed home. Maybe Ash was working and Dean could chat him up for a bit. He needed to do something. As much as it did not fit into the norm of lately, Dean was not ready to go home.

Dean pulled his truck to a stop around the corner from his house. He knew that if he made it home, he would be in for the rest of the night. So he was going to exhaust one more option before calling it quits for the evening.

Reaching into his back pocket, Dean pulled out his wallet. He fished through the dozen cards that he had in it until he found the one he was looking for. He figured this would be a long shot but it was still worth a shot. Teachers drank during the middle of the week right?

Dean took a few deep breaths before pulling out his phone. He did not know why he was so nervous to make the call. It was not like he was asking some chick out on a date, he was just calling a dude that he met recently, for a beer. There was no harm in that. He just did not really know this guy and was unsure if it was alcohol that made the guy give him his card or if he really wanted to hang out sometime. Even when it came to making friends, Dean was getting rusty.

“Hello,” the voice on the other end of the phone spoke. His voice was deep, deeper than Dean had remembered it being only a few days ago. “Dean?”

“Yeah,” Dean was surprised that Castiel knew that it was him on the other line. He did not remember saying anything yet. “How did you know it was me?”

“I uh,” there was a pause on the other end and Dean nearly laughed upon figuring it out.

“You put my name in your phone?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Castiel admitted. “I lose things and it was the best way to not lose your number.”

“I get that,” Dean was pleased with himself that he had made an impression. Maybe it was not going to be as hard as he imagined to make friends with Castiel.

“What can I do for you Dean?” Castiel asked, shocking Dean back into reality. He seemed so business and matter of fact that maybe Dean was wrong. Maybe he was bugging Castiel after all.

“I was just wondering,” Dean knew he should have gone home, he knew it. “I was wondering if you wanted to go grab that beer.”

“Oh,” Castiel’s voice lightened on the other end of the phone. “Yeah. I would like that.”

“Okay,” Dean was not expecting to get a yes. “Um, have you ever heard of a bar called Singers?”

“Yeah,” Castiel answered. “Bar downtown, kind of bikerish?”

“That would be the one,” Dean laughed. “Want to meet me in an hour?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean pulled his truck into his normal spot around the side of the building. Dean had a thing for usuals. He frequented the same establishments, parked in the same spots and ordered the same thing. He was not against anything new in life, he just felt more comfortable with the things that he knew. He took the safe route in life. He had not always been this way but life shaped him. The parking spot was the perk to being the sort of step son to the owners.

Bobby Singer and Ellen Singer had known his parents since before he was born. They were his second family. When he was a child, if he was not at his house, he was at the Singer’s. However, recently he had to start thinking of them a little differently, since his little brother Adam was now dating Jo, Bobby and Ellen’s youngest child. But since family doesn’t end with blood, that is exactly what they were going to remain to him.

Dean was actually glad that Adam and Jo were dating now. Jo had always had the biggest crush on him when she was younger. He did not mind the little girl with the crush but at times it would get awkward. She would want to hang out with him all the time, even when he was clearly trying to spend time with Lisa, who was only his girlfriend then. Now she barely even noticed his existence, her entire world was Adam. He couldn’t be happier for the both of them, though he hoped every day they did not end up like him.

Dean was not sad that he and Lisa got pregnant when they were only fifteen. He loved Lisa and Ben more than anything in the world. So, when they turned eighteen and Dean ask Lisa to marry him, it was not out of necessity, it was out of love. He still loved her to this day, even though she was no longer with them. Maybe that is why he could not seem to bring himself to date. The one person in this world that he was meant to be with had died and that was it for him. Now his world was focusing on Ben and making sure that he grew up into a man that Lisa would be proud of. So far, Dean was not doing that bad of a job, though his grades could be better.

“Hey Kiddo,” Ellen smiled across the bar as Dean entered through the side door. “What a lovely surprise. You here by yourself?”

Dean was not a big bar frequenter these days. When he did show up it was generally with Sam, his dad or his grandfather Samuel. If there was no one to go to the bar with him, he was better off drinking at home or not drinking at all. Drinking alone was never really the best and only made him dwell on the fact that Lisa was dead. He definitely refused to drink alone if Ben was around. Ben did not need to see his father in that kind of emotional state.

“Meeting a friend,” Dean pulled a seat up at the bar while he waited for Castiel to arrive. Castiel was not supposed to be here for another twenty minutes or so, so he had some time to kill. He was always the one to arrive early, it was the one thing that he prided himself in.

“That’s nice,” Ellen threw a dish towel over her shoulder and poured Dean a beer. “Do I know this friend?”

“I doubt it,” Dean pulled the beer up to his mouth and took a long deep swig. “But who knows. He knew the bar and where it was. So he has very likely been in here before.”

“What’s his name?” Ellen continued on with the questioning. One would think that she was grilling him for information if they didn’t know her, but that was just the way Ellen was. She liked to know the people that were in the lives of those she cared about. When it came to family protectors, she was right up on top.

Ellen always tried to make sure that things were in order for everyone. When Lisa got sick, Ellen was there making sure that they were taken care of. She brought them food and stopped by once a week to help keep up with housework. And then when Lisa passed away, she did even more. She really was the reason that Dean was able to make it through the first couple weeks.

“Castiel,” Dean tilted his head to the side with a slight laugh. It was not a bad name; it was just not a name that you heard very often. That made it weird to say out loud sometimes, not that Dean was going around saying Castiel’s name out loud.

“Castiel huh?” Ellen had to think over the name a bit but she didn’t say anything. Dean could tell by the look on her face that she found the name to be odd. Hopefully the man was not as odd as the name but Dean was going to find out soon enough.

“How’s Bobby?” Dean decided to change the subject from Castiel for a while. “I haven’t seen him since Ben’s birthday.”

“Busy as always,” Ellen smiled at the thought of Bobby. Dean was always surprised they could stand to be apart from each other; they were so in love. They were high school sweethearts and it’s been love ever since. Dean couldn’t remember a time when they had even fought, though he was sure that it happened. “When he isn’t here or at home working on the truck, he is off coaching little league or some other sport for them kids.”

“I’m surprised you guys only have two,” Dean laughed. “The way Bobby is, you would think you would have made a whole baseball team.”

“Oh, I would have left the man,” Ellen smiled from ear to ear, obviously something that would never happen. “I told him as soon as Joanna was born that I was done and if he didn’t like it, he could get another wife. And he’s not an easy man to put up with so good luck to him.”

“Well he made the right choice by staying,” Dean noted.

“Thank you darling.” Ellen gave Dean another beer. He had not noticed that he had already finished the first one. That was his problem with alcohol and socialization, he lost track. Hopefully he could keep his alcohol under control tonight. He didn’t want to scare Castiel off just yet. “Make sure to tell him that sometime.”

“I am sure he already knows,” Dean reached out and tapped her hand. She smiled at him before heading across the bar to help another customer. Now all he had to do was wait.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Sorry I am late,” Dean turned around to see Castiel standing right beside him. If Dean had not recognized his voice right away, he would have been slightly shocked when he saw him.

To Dean’s amazement, the teacher was dressed down for their drinking extravaganza. He had lost his suit and tie for a pair of dark blue jeans, a red t-shirt and a pair of black and white converse. Dean was happy to see him this way. He looked a little more normal and a little less stuffy professor. There was hope for a friendship yet. Not that Dean goes around judging people based on the clothes they wore.

“That’s okay,” Dean got up from where he was sitting at the bar and motioned to a tall table in the back, sitting right beside a pool table, that lay vacant. “You want to play some pool?”

“Sure,” Castiel shoved his hands into his pockets and followed Dean. “I am not very good. I think I have played all of two times, maybe three.”

“Good,” Dean laughed, setting his half empty beer down on the table. “Better for me to hustle you out of all your money.”

“As long as you use that money to keep me drinking,” Castiel nodded, accepting that he was going to lose money, though Dean would never really play him for money. Hustling was for the losers who thought they could beat him. Everyone thought they could beat him. No one ever did, outside of Ellen, that is.

“Ellen,” Dean yelled across the bar, grabbing Ellen’s attention away from the book she was now reading. It was a weekday, so the bar was pretty dead. “Two more drinks.”

“You got it,” She yelled back, only not as loud.

“And a large basket of fries, please,” He added in.

“Well aren’t you demanding today,” She threw back at him.

“I am demanding every day,” he laughed in her direction.

“Yeah, yeah,” She grumbled as if she was not enjoying his humor, but she was. “Coming right up.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean and Castiel played a round of pool until their beers and the basket of fries arrived. They then decided to take a break for a bit but they never made it back to pool. Dean was not generally such a big talker but it seemed to come easy with Castiel and Castiel had no problems opening up to Dean. Dean was not certain if Castiel was just an open man who could talk about things easily or if he was having the same effect with Dean. He did not strike Dean as the open type, but he couldn’t be for sure.

They talked for hours. Laughing about things they had done in their lives and how stupid they were looking back at those memories. They even talked about the harder stuff in life. Things that most would not share with someone they had barely met a few days ago.

Dean talked about Lisa. How they had lived next door to each other their entire lives and started to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend when they were about thirteen. He talked about how cheesy they were with each other and how people always told them that they were going to be together forever. He told Castiel about how they had gotten pregnant at fifteen and though a few people urged they give the baby up for adoption, they couldn’t do it. They decided to keep the baby and raise him.

Lisa had continued High School and went on to get a college degree in education, which she only got to use for a few years as a first grade teacher. Dean got his G.E.D. and started working at a local mechanic shop. When the man retired, he offered to sell it to Dean cheap. He had been his own boss ever since. Dean went on to talk about Ben and how proud he was of his son, even though he hadn’t done so well in school these last few years. Though he had three years to work through losing his mom, the older he got, the harder it seemed to get in some ways for him.

Dean bypassed the information about Lisa’s death. Castiel understood that she had gotten sick and by the time they found out, it was too late to really do anything about it. Beyond that, Dean kept his memories of her last days locked up inside of him. He was not ready to open that flood gate with someone else. He knew that it would break him down and he didn’t think crying in front of a grown man was the way to go about making a new friend.

“What about you?” Dean asked, changing the subject off of himself. “Tell me about your life.”

“My life?” Castiel took a deep breath and Dean knew that it was a hard subject for him. Though Dean had just poured his life story out onto the table, he did not expect Castiel to do the same thing and he would not blame him or be angry if he did not share in return.

“You don’t really have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Dean let Castiel off the hook. “We could just play some more pool if you would rather.”

“I don’t mind,” Castiel took a drink of his beer, finishing off his third one. Dean waved his hand over at Ellen, letting her know they were ready for another round. “You have time right?”

Castiel laughed and smiled at Ellen when she brought them another beer. He drank half of it, his hands sort of fidgeting and Dean began to feel bad. He had made Castiel uncomfortable. That was not his intentions at all.

“Well let’s see,” Castiel began. “I am a teacher. I teach Religion. I am not really a religious person, not anymore anyways. My family is big on religion. We were the type of people who were at church every day for some reason or another. So when I decided to go to school to teach religion, they were not that happy about it. It would have been different if I was going to school to teach religion at an all Christian school and only taught the word of the bible.”

“Is that not what you do?” Dean asked curiously, not really sure what it meant to teach religion.

“Not at all,” Castiel seemed to get real serious for a moment. “I don’t just teach Christianity. I teach every religion in one way or another. I feel that in order for people to believe in something fully, they must be able to understand all of what is out there to make a conscious decision. How can you say you are one thing without hearing the side of another?”

“That makes sense,” Dean nodded at Castiel. Dean was not really a religious person, in fact, beyond things he had seen in movies, he didn’t really know much about the subject at all.

“So, because I teach other religions, my family does not really agree with my life.” He frowned into his beer. “I still go home occasionally to visit and my parents call every now and again but we are not nearly as close as we used to be.”

“That sucks,” Dean shook his head at Castiel. His own family was not religious but they were close. They were too close sometimes. “I could not imagine not seeing my family every day.”

“You get used to it,” Castiel forced a smile and Dean could tell that he did not agree with his own words. It was just what he told himself to help him work through it.

“So what brought you here?” Dean asked trying to carry on the conversation. “I mean, if you were a lifer, I feel like I would have seen you around before the other night.”

“A year ago my wife and I divorced.” Castiel’s face hung low, a subject that was obviously hard on him. “I needed to get away and a friend told me that they were looking for a religion teacher here. I applied and here I am.”

“How long were you married?” Dean inquired, though he was not sure if he should have left the subject along or not. He had a feeling that it was still a hard subject for the man.

“Four years,” Castiel smiled, at least the memories were not painful. “It was doomed from the beginning. She was one of those wild and carefree spirits. I loved that about her but I got tired of constantly being on the move. She couldn’t live in one place for more than a couple of months without going stir crazy.”

“I get that feeling a lot,” Dean looked up at Castiel and smile. “I once thought I was going to travel the world and be someone huge. Then we had Ben and my look on life changed. Now I cannot imagine not being here. I do wish sometimes I could be more on the move, maybe when he goes off to college.”

Dean hoped that Castiel did not take what he said the wrong way. Dean loved his son and he would not change anything in his life, except for Lisa’s death, he wished that had never happened. Outside of that, he loved his son and his job and his family. He could not think of a life outside of that.

“I think she just needed to be able to be completely free,” Castiel choked down the last bit of beer that was in his glass. “No strings at all.”

“I’m sorry man,” Dean tried to console him but he was not really the best at doing things like that.

“I am okay.” Castiel smiled up Dean with a genuine smile. “We still talk and I am glad that she is finally able to be happy. She will always be that wild and crazy love story I got to have once upon a time. Like something out of a movie or book.”

“Hey boys,” Ellen called out over the bar to the both of them, grabbing their attention. “The bar closed five minutes ago. As much as I would love for you guys to keep on chatting here, you can’t. So get out.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean slipped out of his clothes and into his bed, the sheets were cold against his skin. He could not believe that he had spent that long talking with someone, let alone someone that he barely knew. Except now he could not say that. He knew Castiel pretty well at this point. There were still things that Dean could learn about him but he knew the big stuff, the stuff that generally took the longest to learn about a person. That was something.

He was still not completely sure about Castiel. They seemed like completely different people, yet they got along so well. They had little things in common but took interest in the things the other one liked, eager to experience things that were not their own lives. Maybe that is what they needed. Dean needed a friend to get him out of his slump. He was always at home or at work, now he could get out of that. Castiel needed Dean because he was new and he did not really know many people. They could make a decent friendship if they really gave it a shot.

** DEAN WINCHESTER **

_ Thank you for coming out. I needed that. _

Dean texted Castiel before plugging his phone in and turning out the light. His phone buzzed shortly after but he did not check it. He would check it in the morning.


	5. The Lake Party

Dean had spent the week texting Castiel here and there. He had been busy with work and Castiel was teaching two classes this summer, which kept him busy with grading papers and doing whatever else it was that teachers did. Dean tried not to ask too much in the way of school. Not that Dean was a stupid person, he was not a school person.

**SAM WINCHESTER**

_Hey Dean._

Dean read the message with a smile, soon realizing it was Sam. That did not take away his smile. He loved hearing from his little brother. Sam was also a busy person, so most of the time, text was the only way he heard from his brother for weeks.

**DEAN WINCHESTER**

_Sup “little” brother?_

Dean texted back with a laugh.

Dean did not get a text back right away, which he hated but he was not going to complain about it. He was busy at work and needed to get things finished so that he was not stuck here late. Not like he really had anything to do this evening. Ben was spending the weekend at a friends and he had one beer sitting at home in the fridge, it was going to be so exciting when he got home.

**SAM WINCHESTER**

_Party. 10pm. The creek. Be there or be a horrible brother who doesn’t like to see his little brother._

Dean shook his head at the phone. He did not want to be a horrible brother but he definitely did not want to go to this party. The last party was a complete bust, even though he made a new friend out of it. The new friend was nice, the party was not. Plus, they made him feel old. He was working his way into his thirties and most of the college kids that were at the party were barely able to drink legally.

**DEAN WINCHESTER**

_Maybe. I have had a really long day and it isn't over yet._

Dean gave Sam a false promise. Dean had no intentions at all of going to this party.

**SAM WINCHESTER**

_Whatever_.

Dean waited for a while but that was all that Sam texted back. Dean felt bad but not too bad. His brother would understand one way or another. He knew that Sam was just trying to get him out of the house on a Friday night. In fact, it was probably more their mother’s idea than it was Sam’s. Sam would never admit to something like that, but Dean was fairly certain it was the truth.

Dean didn’t pay attention to his phone for the rest of the day. He focused on work and getting home. He was ready for this weekend to take place. Work was never too much for him to handle but he would be lying if he did not admit that by Friday night, he was generally pretty drained.

As soon as he was finished, Dean headed home. He kicked off his boots, grabbed his one beer out of the fridge and settled onto the couch. There was not really a lot on but that did not stop him from picking up the remote and flipping through the channels. People used to get so mad at him. He was not really a person to sit and watch a whole show. He watched five minutes of one show and then two minutes of another. Nothing ever really caught his attention long enough for him to stick with it. In fact, the only time he ever sat through an entire show or movie was when he was watching it with someone else. Even then, he didn’t quite pay full attention.

_**Beep**_.

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket to a text message from Castiel. It was slightly childish how excited he got over the text message. It was like when you made a friend in school and all you wanted to do was hang out with your friend, doing whatever it was that friends were supposed to do. It had been a long time since he really spent time with the friends he did have. They were all married and living their lives, just like he had been. His best friend was the one he missed the most, but Charlie was away exploring the world, doing what they both had dreamed of doing. He may not be doing it with her but he is damn glad she got out of this town.

**CASTIEL NOVAK**

_Sam said you were going to the party tonight._

**DEAN WINCHESTER**

_He invited me. Still not sure if I want to go or not._

That was a slight lie. Dean had no intentions of attending this party. Not after the last one.

**CASTIEL NOVAK**

_I was considering going. Not sure yet._

Dean frowned at Castiel’s message. Not because Cas had said something wrong, it was more that Dean really did not want to go to this party and now he had a reason to go.

**DEAN WINCHESTER**

_Well maybe I will see you there._

Dean finished off his beer and stood up from the couch. He was angry at Sam for pulling a stunt like this. Sam had obviously learned that Dean and Castiel had been hanging out and used that to his advantage.

Dean tried to look at the bright side. If Castiel was going to be there, he was sure that fun could be had, or at least he would have someone to talk to through all the lame party stuff. Plus, there was sure to be more alcohol there than there was here.

Heading toward the shower, Dean pulled out his phone again and brought up Sam’s number.

**DEAN WINCHESTER**

_I hate you but I’ll be there_.

He texted Sam, tossing his phone onto his bed through the bathroom door.

A sound alerted back. Sam was probably telling him that he hated him too and couldn’t wait to see him or something along those lines. If you did not know they were brothers, you would think from their text messages that they did not really like each other. But what were brothers for?

_ _ _ _ _

Sam texted Dean where the party was going to be, and Dean grew hopeful that it would be a better time than the last. Last time it was in an overly loud frat house with so many bodies that you couldn’t walk across the room without running into someone. This time the party was out at Miller’s Creek, a place where Dean had spent a lot of his time as a teenager, well until Ben came along. It was the party spot in High School. The destination for high school parties had changed since then, so this place was free for college kids or people who wanted to party during the summer.

“Dean,” Sam threw his arms up in the air when he saw his brother. Dean wondered when these parties actually started. He was given a time to show up twice and each time people were already drunk when he arrived. Unless college students these days were constantly drunk, he was arriving way too late. “I really did not think you were going to come. You kind of bailed early last time.”

“Parties aren’t really my thing,” Dean tried to come up with a better reason than, ‘I am old I can’t do parties anymore.’ “This one is outdoors, I like outdoors. I can do outdoors.”

“Well grab yourself a drink and come hang.” Sam pointed to the alcohol and then began to make his way over to the crowd of people that Dean had met at the last party. Dean was not that interested in hanging out with them, not that any of them were horrible, they were just different than he was. However, he was here, he had to put on a good show for his brother.

Dean walked over to the keg, grabbed himself a red solo cup and filled it to the brim. If he was going to be here, he was going to be drunk. Maybe if he put more alcohol in his system than he did the last time, he would be able to let go and have a better time. Lack of alcohol could really ruin a good time when you are surrounded by drunk people. Live by the rule: If you can’t beat them, join them. That is exactly what he was going to do.

“Hey Dean,” Jess smiled at Dean and walked over to give him a hug. Dean liked Jessica and thought that she was an amazing fit for Sam. She made him happy and he made her happy, what more could someone ask for in a relationship. Though they had only been together for a year, Dean saw much longer in their future, if not forever.

“Hey,” He kissed the top of her forehead before letting her go and taking a seat on an empty log off to the side. At least Jess was here, he knew her outside of Sam’s friends and it was easier to carry on a conversation with her.

Everyone greeted Dean, accept for Ruby who sat across from him. She didn’t talk to him or really make eye contact. He figured she was angry for not taking the hint and doing something with her last time. That was her problem though, not his. He wasn’t here for the pleasure of Ruby.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Hey Dean,” A drunk Sam wrapped his arm around the shoulder of almost drunk Dean. Dean had been drinking pretty steadily since he had arrived but it was only beer. It took a lot of beer to get Dean drunk and it usually did not hit him until a few hours later anyways. “You know who I think would be perfect for you?”

“Who is that?” Dean humored his little brother. Dean had almost believed that last time he had sent Ruby after him but Ruby was not even close to Dean’s type and Dean hoped that Sam knew at least that much about his brother. Dean liked them tall, dark, brunette and with a serious head on their shoulder, but still able to let go. Ruby did not fit into the description at all.

“Bella.” Sam pointed over at Bella Talbot. Now that was a girl that fit the description, at least part of it. He did not really know her well enough to know if she had a serious head on her shoulders. She was definitely tall, dark and brunette, so she was worth a shot. Though Dean was still not sure of his interest levels.

“Bella?” Dean repeated her name in a questioning manner, continuing to humor his little brother. Sam seemed to be excited over this conversation.

“Yeah man,” Sam slurred into his ear. “She is smoking hot, super smart and Jess says she is into you.”

Dean looked over at Bella sitting across the way. Once she noticed she was being looked at, she smiled up at him. She really was a stunning woman, even though she had to be at the least twenty-one and at the most twenty-three. Dean was not against younger women, he just had a kid and girls who were younger did not seem to appreciate that fact about him. Though, he was not asking the girl to be Ben’s new mom, he was just supposed to talk to her.

“Give it a shot,” Sam lightly punched his brother in the shoulder. “Plus, I already told her you were kind of interested.”

“Dammit Sammy,” Dean hissed at his brother. He hated that Sam felt the need to take Dean’s life into his hands. It was not his place and Dean did not appreciate it. This party stuff and now trying to set him up with people; that was not what Dean wanted. Though honestly, Dean had no idea what he wanted.

“Just go talk to her,” Sam pushed Dean away from him in the direction of Bella. “You might actually find that you like her.”

Dean glared at his brother but continued to make his way toward Bella. Since Castiel had not shown up, Dean needed something to pass his time. Bella was hot, he supposed that she would work as some kind of a distraction. If Castiel showed up, he would have a reason to bail. If he didn’t, maybe he could at least get lucky this evening.

“Hey,” Bella greeted Dean as he approached her. He was still not sure if this was a good idea or not, but since he got stood up by his friend, what else was he to do? He could have gone home but he was not going to bail on his brother like that again. Plus, there was no beer at his house.

“Hey Bella,” Dean smiled at her. He was not really sure how to start a conversation with a girl. Lisa and he had basically been together their entire lives, he never had to work at it before.

“Are you enjoying the party?” Bella asked.

Dean wanted to tell her the truth but that probably would not have been the best idea. Telling her that he only came because her teacher was supposed to be here and now he wanted to go home because he had not shown up, that might come off a little weird and he did not need to weird her out.

“I am now,” He turned his answer into more of a flirt. He didn’t want to complain to her. If he ended up hooking up with Bella it would be far from the end of the world. She was for the most part, his type and she was wearing a short jean skirt and a plaid button up. Dean had to admit, it was kind of hot.

“Good,” She moved closer to him and smiled up at him from her red solo cup. Dean could tell by the look in her eyes that she had been drinking quite a bit. He was not sure what to think about that really. You never knew what to expect of college girls. This could end up well or it could end up incredibly bad.

Bella told Dean all about school. She is a law student like Sam but wants to do more to help the environment. Dean could respect that she was not in it for the money but if he were going to pay over a hundred grand to get a degree in school, it would be for a job that was going to pay him enough money to pay that back and then some. Sure, helping people and the world was nice, but money was nice too.

“You want to go somewhere quieter and talk,” Bella pushed in against his side and whispered into his ear. Dean’s body stiffened up and but he brushed it off as being nervous.

“Sure,” Dean agreed. He was not sure what talking to her in private was going to lead to and he was not sure if he was prepared for it, but he was going to give it his best. “We could go over and sit in my truck.”

Bella took Dean’s hand and walked with him. Her fingers were warm wrapped around his own and his heart was beating quickly in his chest. He knew that Lisa would want for him to move on but he was not sure how she would feel about his ways of doing it. Would she be angry at him hooking up at some random party with some girl he barely knew? And why hadn’t Castiel showed up? This would not be happening if Castiel had just shown up.

“Nice truck,” Bella doted on his truck when they arrived to it and Dean opened up the passenger door for her to slide in.

“Thank you,” Dean smiled and tapped the hood of his truck. He loved his truck. He didn’t love it as much as he loved the car in his garage, that was his real baby but she was not ready yet to be brought back into this world. In the meantime, his truck did the job and did it beautifully.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Dean,” Bella moved into the middle of the seat and up against Dean. They had been talking for about a half hour in his truck, this time more about Dean, except he left out the kid part. They were not serious enough for that conversation yet. So, mostly they talked about him being a mechanic and owning his own shop. She seemed to love that he was just a normal guy and not some stuck up college frat kid. “Do you want to kiss me?”

Dean felt his heart jump into his throat. It had been three years since he had kissed someone and it was his wife. He was not sure that he could do this. He had, had plenty of time to prepare for a moment like this but he was never really sure he was ready for it to happen yet. He wanted to kiss her, he really did but could he?

“I,” Dean began to answer her but she cut him off, pressing her pink satin lips against his. Instead of fighting it, which was his first instinct, he allowed himself to relax into her kiss. He let her continue to kiss him and hoped that he was doing well at the kissing her back. His mind was racing with so many thoughts, he was not sure that he was really putting any effort into kissing her back. She seemed to not mind as she crawled onto his lap, pinning him down against his seat.

Dean fought the thoughts in his mind and allowed himself to focus only on Bella. There was a hot girl on his lap kissing him, she deserved his full attention. Soon Dean was for sure kissing her back and she moaned into his mouth when she felt him finally join her.

Dean ran his fingers along her back, moving away from her lips and kissing along her jaw line and down to her neck. She leaned her head back to give him better access and he nibbled down to her collar bone. She pushed into his hips with her own and Dean could feel himself getting excited. It was a feeling that he had missed.

“Do you have protection?” She pulled away and whispered into his ear, pulling him back into reality. What was he doing? This is not why he came here. He did not come to this party to sleep with some college girl he barely knew in the front seat of his pickup. His son rode in his pickup.

“Um,” Dean pulled away from her and tried to regain himself. He did not want to hurt her but he did not want to do this. He had to get out of here. He should have left when he realized that Castiel was not coming. He shouldn’t have come to begin with. “I need to go.”

“What?” Bella looked down at him confused, a slight glimpse of hurt in her eyes. “You need to leave? Are you serious?”

“I’m sorry,” he helped her off of him and got out of his truck quickly. He all but ran to the other side and opened the door for her. “I don’t mean to do this but I just remembered something I had to do for my son.”

“Your son?” She seemed to get less angry with him but more disgusted, like it was a horrible thing that he had a child. That is why he never shared that part of his life with people he barely knew. Though now it was helpful. Her reaction to him having a son was enough to make him not feel bad about what he was doing to her.

“Yes, my son.” His tone showing hints of anger. “Now get out of my truck.”

“Whatever,” She crawled out his truck and brushed past him quickly. “Tell your brother he can stop trying to hook me up with you. You aren’t worth my time.”


	6. It Should Have Been Me

Dean was reeling over what had taken place throughout the evening. He should have stayed home like he had planned all along. He had learned from the last party that he was not a party person, give him a bar any day. But deep down, he knew that all of his anger was something else entirely. He only wished that he knew what it was. He couldn’t be this worked up over something as trivial as a party.

The drive from the creek back into town was a long one. He took every back road that he could think of, because even though he wanted to go home, he was not ready to be there yet. So, he was going to drive around, cool his jets for a while and get himself to relax. He also wanted to make sure that he avoided the cops, he was fairly certain that if he were to get pulled over, it would be a night in jail for him.

Dean tried to work through all that he could. He wanted to blame Lisa for all that was going on in his life. How could she have left him all alone, a broken mess of a man? Why couldn’t it have been him? She would have known how to move on. She would have been able to help Ben keep his grades up. She would have survived, not messed things up the way that he had.

Dean was not surviving. He got up every day, went to work and then came home. He had stopped living the minute the machines flat-lined and he was left all alone, even though he was not alone. He had Ben and he was trying to do his best by his son, spending as much time as he could with him. Ben was now his excuse. Ben was the reason Dean stayed home or couldn’t go out over the weekend. Lisa would have been doing better. It should have been him.

Wiping the stray tears from his eyes, Dean brought his truck to a complete stop and killed the engine. He looked up at Castiel’s house, not quite sure how this is where he ended up, but knew it was where he needed to be.

Dean continued wiping his eyes to try and hide the fact that he had been crying. The last thing that he needed was for Castiel to see him cry. He did not want to seem like some obsessive friend or something who cries because their friend ditched them. It was not really Castiel that had made him cry but he could see how Castiel might take it that way.

Pulling the keys from the ignition, Dean pushed them into the pocket of his blue jean jacket and made his way up the front walk. He had no idea what he was going to say to Castiel really. He never said one hundred percent that he would be there. He just said he was thinking about going. It was Dean who had assumed that he was for sure going to be there. So, none of this was really on Castiel at all.

Dean took a deep breath and raised his hand in the air, balling it into a fist. It was almost midnight, so he hesitated slightly. Nothing about this was really a good idea, but he was not really on track for doing anything that was a good idea today anyway. So he pounded his hand lightly against the door, making sure it was hard enough to get to Castiel if he was upstairs but not loud enough to wake the neighbors.

Dean waited for what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes at most. He was almost about to turn around when the front porch light flickered on above him and the front door swung open. Dean covered his eyes briefly with his hand, the light a little more than he was ready for but soon it dimed and he could see Castiel standing in the doorway.

“Dean?” Castiel pushed open the front screen and gave Dean a confused look. “What are you doing here?”

“You lied to me,” Dean blurted out, not really thinking over his words. He knew Castiel did not lie to him and he was making more of this than he should have, but he was drunk. Dean knew better than showing up on people’s doorsteps drunk. He had shown up on his parent’s doorstep drunk many times after Lisa died. He knew what a horrible idea it was and how it never led to anything good. “You should have been there, not her.”

Dean took a step back and felt slightly startled. He was not quite sure why he had just said what he had said. Was he talking about Bella? Did he just say that Castiel should have been there with him and not Bella? Dean wanted to run away, overly confused and much drunker than he wanted to be at the moment.

“I am sorry I did not show up Dean. Meg came by and I texted you.” Castiel explained himself and Dean suddenly felt worse. He had not gotten a text but that did not mean that Castiel did not text him. His phone had died earlier in the night, since he did not have a chance to charge it when he got home. “Who is her? What are you talking about?”

“I should go,” Dean shoved his hands into his pockets, his cheeks hinting at redness with a slight burn. He wanted to cry again but he was not going to cry in front of Castiel. “I am sorry I came by so late.”

“No. Dean wait.” Castiel stepped out and grabbed Dean’s arm, turning him around. “Will you please come in?”

Dean shook his head at Castiel but walked passed him and into the front walkway of Castiel’s house. It was dark inside, even though Castiel had turned on a light. There was not much around him, almost as if Castiel had not even moved in yet. It was possible that he did not get much stuff in the divorce, though by the way he described Meg, she really was not the type to want or have stuff. Maybe they just never had stuff.

“Have a seat,” Castiel motioned for Dean to step into the living room and take a seat. Dean walked slowly into the living room, working extra hard to keep his balance. He had reached that stage in drinking when it all kind of hit him and he realized how truly drunk he really was. He needed to be at home in bed right now, not at Castiel’s doing whatever the hell it was that he was going to do.

“You didn’t show up,” Dean turned around and stood right in front of Castiel. Here was at the part where all the stupid stuff was going to come up and he was going to have a day or longer of regret ahead of him. “The only reason I went to that damn party was because you said you were going to be there.”

“I thought you were already going,” Castiel tried to argue in his defense, though he had already made his point as to why he had not gone. “At no point did you tell me I was the reason you were going.”

“Of course you were the reason I was going,” Dean blurted out, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. Castiel should have known that Dean would not just willingly go to another frat party. “But you weren’t there and it sucked and that girl kissed me. God I let her kiss me and why didn’t you come?”

“Dean,” Castiel reached out and grabbed the sides of Dean’s arms to steady him. Dean struggled to fight him for a moment but then gave up. “You need to calm down.”

Dean took a deep breath and sat down on the sofa, he balled one of his fists and placed it into his hand. He needed to not be there. He needed to leave but Castiel would not let him leave. This was a horrible mistake. He needed to leave. Why couldn’t he leave?

“Would you like something to drink?” Castiel asked, moving himself to the other side of the room. “I could get us a beer or some water?”

“Water would be good,” Dean nodded his head, he did not need any more alcohol. “I think I've had enough to drink.”

“Okay,” Castiel nodded his head and went into the other room.

Dean felt marginally uncomfortable sitting on Castiel’s couch. He was still not sure why he was here in the first place. He knew that he could get up at any point and leave. Castiel was not in the room to stop him. He could go home, sober up and think of some lame excuse to fix all of this in the morning. Yet he remained seated.

“Here you go,” Castiel handed Dean a glass of water and sat down on the chair to the right of the couch. Dean looked Castiel over as he sat. He was in his pajamas, his hair in a mess and his face beginning to need a shave. He looked the most normal Dean had ever seen him and he liked seeing him that way.

“Again,” Dean set his water down on the coffee table and turned his body towards Castiel. “I am so sorry for stopping by without asking.”

“Dean,” Castiel put up his hand to stop him. “You are welcome here anytime you like.”

“No, I just,” Dean felt like shit admitting this but he had to be honest. “I was so angry that you didn’t show up and now I feel like a complete ass about the whole thing.”

“I wanted to be there,” Castiel admitted. “Then Meg showed up at my door and I just, I hadn’t seen her in so long.”

“What did she want?” Dean asked, knowing that it was really none of his business but he was trying to take all the attention off him showing up drunk.

“To talk about us,” Castiel did not look up from his water, he had a look of sadness on his face. “I think she feels like she made a mistake.”

“Oh,” Dean’s shoulders slumped and he took a drink of his water. He wasn't sure what to say to him really. When Castiel had talked about her, he talked about how much he had loved her and how she took him on so many adventures most people don’t get to take. But then again, he wanted to be in one place and not move around so much and she simply could not give him that. “So, do you think you are going to be getting back together?”

“I don’t know really,” Castiel shrugged. “It’s really complicated right now.”

“I made out with Bela,” Dean changed the subject back to him. He was not sure why he did it, there was no purpose in bringing it up now and he really did not want to talk about what had happened.

“Okay,” Castiel finally looked back up at Dean. He seemed taken aback by the information that was being given to him. “How did that go?”

“Not well,” Dean admitted, though it went worse than not well, it went horrible. “I ended up stopping it and leaving. She was pretty angry.”

“Why?” Castiel questioned. “Do you not like her? Bella seems like a really sweet girl. I like having her in my class.”

“I think maybe I'm just not over Lisa,” Dean tried to convince himself once again that, that was the answer. How long could he really go on blaming his dead wife for things?

Castiel and Dean sat in silence after that. Dean finished off his water, occasionally glancing up at Castiel. He was not sure why he had given him so much information or why things were so awkward. He had a feeling that this friendship was not really going to last much longer and that hurt the worst. He really enjoyed Castiel and was hoping that he would be around for a while.

“Well,” Dean set his empty glass down on the coffee table and stood up. “It is getting late. I should probably be getting home.”

“Dean,” Castiel stood up to see Dean out. “I really am sorry that I did not make it. I really wanted to be there.”

“Hey man, no problem,” Dean patted Castiel on the shoulder. “Maybe next time.”

“Definitely next time,” Castiel promised. “Definitely next time.”

___

The moment Dean got home, he slipped out of his clothes and into the shower. He needed to wash off the entire evening that was sticking to him in the worst of ways. He could still smell the fire from the party and it was bringing up the thoughts about tonight. He just wanted to be able to forget the night and move on.

He told himself how stupid he was for going in the first place. This led him to thinking about Bella and really trying to figure out what went wrong. He found her attractive and interesting, what more could he ask for in a girl? It had been long enough for him to start dating again, in fact, he had recently been thinking about getting back out there. He knew that Lisa would want him to move on and love someone again.

As Dean washed over his body, he continued to think about his evening. He thought about Ben not being home and how he was glad that his son was moving on in life, like he should be doing. He thought more about Bela and how he wished that he could apologize to her but he really didn't know how to go about it. And then he thought about Castiel, whose house he never should have shown up at.

As soon as Dean’s mind moved to Castiel, his heart began to race. It was strange and caused his stomach to turn in a way that he had never felt before. What was it that Castiel had over him? Was he that desperate for a friend that his body was longing for one as well? It was at that moment that it all started to come together. It was not Lisa that was holding Dean back this evening, it was Castiel.


	7. Salvaging

**[Wednesday 1:30 pm | Cas]** _Hey_

Dean looked at the text on his phone from Castiel and frowned. He had been avoiding him since what had taken place over the weekend. He knew that it was not Castiel’s fault that any of this happened, but he did not know what to say to him or how to deal with any of this. If there was one thing that Dean was good at, it was hiding from his feelings.

It was not that Dean didn't want to talk to Castiel or that he no longer wanted to be friends with him, he was just trying to figure out what to say. How could he possibly salvage this friendship? Every time he thought it over, he came up with nothing. He would text him back later. Though he had told himself that yesterday as well and it never happened.

Dean went back to work, letting his crazy, hectic day distract him from everything that was happening in the world. Instead of facing Castiel, he was going to face the breaks on the 1990 Toyota pickup in front of him. Instead of telling Sam how sorry he was for how he treated his friend, he was going to order the parts that he was low on in the shop. Work was not the place for him to solve life problems, it was the place to solve mechanical ones.

**[Wednesday 1:50 pm | Cas]** I_ don’t know what I did but I will leave you alone. I am truly sorry for whatever it is._

Dean almost cried as he read over Castiel’s words, being as he was turning into a freaking cry baby these days. He knew that he did not fully understand his feelings but he also knew that he did not want to lose Castiel. Castiel was the first person in a long time who had really got to him. Castiel made him smile, even better, he made Dean laugh. It had been a very long time since Dean had laughed and genuinely meant it.

**[Wednesday 2:15 pm | You]** _Can you come over this evening? Ben and I were going to BBQ. We can talk._

Dean needed to figure this out and he needed to do it as soon as possible. If he didn’t, he was going to lose the first person in three years that he had actually wanted to be around. Besides Ben, Benny and his family, Dean avoided spending too much time with people. He needed that to change and Castiel was the way to accomplish that. He needed Castiel, now more than ever.

**[Wednesday 2:20 pm | Cas]** _Okay. What time? I will also need your address._

Dean texted Castiel his address and told him to arrive around seven. That would give Dean enough time to get home, take a shower and get things ready for the evening. Hopefully, by the end of the night, they would reach a resolution. If they hadn’t, at least Dean would be able to say that he tried.

___

Castiel arrived shortly after seven and Dean quickly offered him a beer. He had made sure to supply this evening with beer because he refused to learn that beer and his feelings really did not go that well together. After handing Castiel a beer, he led him out onto the back patio where he was cooking up the steaks on the grill. Ben was already outside, lost in the video game he was playing on his phone.

“How do you like your steak?” Dean asked casually, opening the lid to the grill.

“Medium,” Castiel took a seat across the way from where Ben was sitting.

“Oh, right,” Dean moved over to the table. “Castiel, this is my son Ben. Ben, this is my friend Castiel.”

“Hey,” Ben looked up from his phone for a brief second to look at Castiel and then he was back to not fully paying attention. Dean would be sure to take the game away come dinner time. Ben did not get to hide behind video games this evening. If Dean was going to work on being social, Ben was going to join in with him.

Once the introductions were completed, Dean went back to cooking up the steaks. He then went into the house to grab the potato salad and green beans. Dean loved to cook and would usually make whatever was being eaten at a BBQ. However, this was unplanned and he had no time to prep, so it was store bought everything for the evening. Castiel did not seem to mind.

Dean and Castiel made small talk over dinner and had a few more beers. Ben joined in occasionally but most of the time he just sat quietly. At ten, Ben’s favorite show came on and so they moved into the living room for a while to watch it. Castiel tried to be as interested as he could but Dean could tell that it was not really his thing. Dean liked the show but since he was not much of a show watcher, he could understand how Castiel could be uninterested.

After the show was over, Dean excused himself to get Ben off to bed. Dean did not really need to get Ben off to bed but he felt like he needed to since he had company. Ben was generally very capable of putting himself to bed.

“Your friend seems nice,” Ben told his dad as he got into bed. “He is a little weird but still, he seems nice.”

“Yeah, I think so too,” Dean smiled, flicking off the light. “Night buddy,”

“Night dad,” Ben replied.

Dean stood outside of Ben’s door for a moment. He was not sure if he was ready to be alone with Castiel. It was easy to brush things aside while Ben was around but now he had to truly face it. He knew he could play it off and just keep pretending but things would not get resolved that way. He needed to face this


	8. Introduction of Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this chapter.

Dean was not sure how to transition into a serious conversation with Castiel, so he did the next best thing. He decided to show Castiel his car. He loved his car. When Ben was born, his father gave him his old 1967 Chevy Impala. Dean had loved the car when he was a kid but it stopped working when he was about ten and it was put in the garage. Dean begged constantly for the car and his dad finally gave it to him. He had been working on it over the years but it was not until recently that he was able to really afford to fix her up. She was almost ready.

“I hate to admit to you,” Castiel looked over all the parts of the car that Dean was showing off proudly. “I don’t really know anything about cars. I don’t even drive the one I have very often.”

“Oh man,” Dean pulled back from the car with a smile. “I am going to have to teach you. I live for cars. If you can’t tell by my car and by my job.”

“I would like that,” Castiel’s smile beamed from ear to ear and once again Dean’s heart began to race and his stomach began to turn.

“Listen, Castiel,” Dean leaned against the side of the car. “I just wanted to apologize again for the other night. I was drunk and the night went horrible and I took it out on the wrong person.”

“Dean,” Castiel leaned against the car with him. “I told you that it was okay. It happens. You do not have to apologize to me anymore. And please call me Cas, only my mother calls me Castiel.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded, pulling a beer up to his lips and finishing it off. “So, what about you and Meg. You getting back together?”

“We have been talking about it,” Castiel shrugged his shoulders. He seemed like he was not even sure it was something that he wanted. “We haven’t really settled on an answer.”

“Do you want to get back together with her?” Dean asked, shifting against the car. His hand brushed up against Castiel’s hand and everything stopped for a brief moment. All he could think was how badly he wanted Castiel to say no.

“It’s all that I have wanted since she handed me the divorce papers,” Castiel admitted and Dean’s heart sunk. “But now, I am not so sure.”

Dean looked up at Castiel, unsure of what to say. He knew what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He did not want to ruin what he was getting back. He had to hold it in if he wanted to keep his friend.

“Dean,” Castiel turned his body into Dean, their eyes never losing contact with one another. “Do you think I should get back together with her?”

“No,” Dean leaned in a little closer. He could feel Castiel’s hot breath hit against his lips. He knew that he should pull away but he couldn’t do it. He wanted this, at least he felt like this is what he wanted. “But don’t let me be the one to stop you.”

“Okay,” Castiel breathed against Dean.

Before Dean could fully grasp what was happening, he was pulling Castiel toward him and pressing him against the impala. Not so hard as to do any damage to the impala, he still cared about the car, even though he wanted to take complete advantage of the man against it. His heart was racing in his chest as Castiel took his hand. Dean felt like he had not been touched in forever, even though he knew he had, but it was enough to make him weak in the knees.

Castiel stumbled against Dean, he seemed reluctant at first but then excitedly followed wherever it was that he was being lead. Castiel soon was right along with Dean, his hands moving up Dean’s sides as Dean held the back of Castiel’s neck, pushing his tongue into the eager waiting mouth of Castiel. A voice in Dean’s head told him he needed to stop, that this was not right but he pushed past his insecurities.

Dean pulled them away from the Impala and pressed Castiel’s back up against his work station. It was cleared off at the moment because all of his tools were moved over to the Impala. It seemed like a much better place to be doing this kind of thing. He knew his bed would be the best place but the garage was the safest place to not get caught or walked in on.

Soon the kissing became more passionate and hard. Castiel was kissing Dean back with intensity, working on pulling Dean’s AC/DC shirt off of his body. Dean lifted his arms to help, only disconnecting their lips long enough to get the shirt up over his head. They did not have to stop kissing for Dean to remove Castiel’s dark blue button up shirt. It took longer, but that only made Dean more excited once he got it off and tossed to the ground.

Dean moved his hands down the sides of Castiel’s body and brought them to his ass. He then gripped hard, pulling Castiel off the ground and bringing him up to sit on the workbench. Castiel leaned down, now being up higher than Dean and began to kiss at Dean’s neck and behind his ears, moving up to nibble them on occasion. Dean moaned with every bite of his flesh against Castiel’s teeth and he continued to grow more and more excited. He had to continuously reach down and adjust himself in his jeans.

Moving his hands to Castiel’s back, he pulled his body in and began to kiss down Cas’ neck. He tasted warm, if that could even be considered a taste. His skin radiating heat against Dean’s lips as Dean kissed from Castiel’s neck to his chest. Dean was slightly taken aback by the chest hair, not because it bothered him but because it was new, something he never imagined he would be pressing his lips against.

It did not take long for Dean to adjust to the new situation and sensations. He wanted Castiel and he was not going to let the mysteries of kissing a man stand in his way, not this time. He was not going to run away from these feelings. They were the most real thing that he had felt in a very long time.

Dean continued kissing along Cas’ chest. He could tell that Cas was enjoying it, just as much as he was, by the slight moans that were escaping his lips. Dean wondered briefly if Castiel had ever done anything like this with a man before but he decided now was not the time to ask.

As Dean kissed down along Castiel’s stomach, he pulled his hands from Cas’ back down to his ass and pulled him forward on the table, just enough to give Dean better access to the man’s pants. Then he moved his hands to the front of Cas and placed one of his hands against Cas’ erection. The feel of Castiel’s jean covered cock against his hand made Dean’s cock jerk in his pants. He loved that he was making Cas feel this excited.

Dean rubbed at Cas’ erection for a few minutes through his pants but he could sense that Castiel was getting antsy, ready for Dean to touch him for real. Dean was happy to give him what he wanted. He moved his hands to the zipper of Cas’ jeans and slowly pulled it down, he then worked to undo the button. His heart was racing. He was excited and scared all at the same time. He wanted this but truthfully, this was his first time. He felt young and inexperienced, unsure if he was going to do anything right or if he was just going to be a disappointment.

Dean hesitated, unsure if what he thought he should do was really something he could do. He was not sure if he was ready to put Castiel into his mouth. He wanted to make him happy but he just did not know how to do this. He was going to fail.

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice broke through Dean’s thoughts and pulled him back to the moment. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Dean smiled up at Castiel, almost happy that Castiel could understand what was going on in Dean’s mind. Dean wondered if Castiel was as nervous as he was about this whole situation. He didn't appear to be nervous, but that did not mean he wasn’t.

Dean took a deep breath put his hands under Castiel, forcing him to lift up his hips so that he could pull his pants down. Dean pulled them down to his ankles and moved his hands back up the sides of Castiel’s legs. He felt his skin get goose bumps and that excited Dean again.

Rubbing his cock through his boxers, Dean moaned right along with Castiel. He was aching to press his body once more against the now almost naked teacher. Learning seemed to be a little more appealing to Dean in the moment and it almost amplified the feelings he was having. Who didn't want to mess around with the hot teacher from time to time?

Dean glided his hand over Castiel’s erection and back down, feeling its length through the smooth fabric. Occasionally he squeezed his hand around it and Castiel would all but whimper. It was almost too much for Dean but he allowed himself to remain calm. He was not going to allow himself to get off without even being touched.

Once Dean believed that he had worked Castiel up enough, he reached in through the hole in the front of his boxers and pulled his cock out. Dean was not one to guess the length of a cock just by looking at it but he would say that it was at least six, maybe six and a half inches, about the same size as his own. That made him a little more comfortable, it was a size he knew how to deal with, from his own personal times with himself.

That was Dean’s guide. He stroked at Castiel’s penis the same way that he would stroke at his own. He slowly moved his hands all the way down the shaft and then back up, bringing his hand over the tip and lightly twisting around it, gathering up all the precum that was beginning to leak out. Castiel would moan lightly with every movement, his hips jerking when Dean would rub over the tip, almost as if it were too much for him to handle.

Dean pulled himself up to a standing position and leaned into Castiel, pressing his lips firmly against the slightly shaking teacher. Castiel moaned against Dean’s lips as Dean continued to stroke at his penis, which was now held between their bare stomachs. Dean knew that Castiel was getting close and that caused him to kiss him harder, pushing his tongue wildly into the mouth of Castiel.

“Dean,” Castiel moaned out, trying to pull away but Dean grabbed his back and pulled him closer, stroking his penis faster and gripping it just a little tighter. “Oh, Dean.”

Castiel let himself go, grabbing onto Dean as he came. He came hard, coating their stomachs and Dean’s hand. He almost felt like it was never going to end as he stroked every drop out. Dean stroked it a few more times but soon Castiel was pulling away, too sensitive to be touched any longer.

Dean let go of Castiel’s still half hard cock and pulled him as close to him as he could. They kissed, their sweaty bodies pressed together. Dean was afraid to let him go, afraid that it would be over after this and he never wanted to leave this moment, he just wanted to be here, in Castiel’s arms.

They kissed for what felt like an endless amount of time. Time did not matter. They were holding each other, taking each other in. They were living in a moment that Dean felt neither of them had ever had and it was magical. But soon Castiel pulled back and pushed Dean away from him.

Dean stumbled backwards, fear rising in his stomach. He thought that what had happened had caught up with Castiel and he couldn’t handle it. He was going to leave.

But he didn’t leave. Castiel stood up, pulled his pants back around his hips but did not bother to button or zip them up. All of his attention was on Dean and Dean could feel his heart about to race out of his chest.

Castiel moved towards Dean, lightly guiding him over to the impala, pressing Dean’s back against the cold door. It felt good against his hot skin. Castiel pushed into him, his mouth covering Dean’s as Dean groaned against him. He could kiss him forever if given the chance.

After a few minutes of kissing, Castiel began to kiss down Dean’s neck and then to his chest, leaving a trail of where his mouth had been. Dean brought his hand up and ran his finger along the trail, the feeling of Castiel’s lips there again, while they worked around his stomach.

Dean pushed his hips forward as Castiel began to undo his pants and drop them to his ankles. He was curious as to what was going to happen. Was Castiel going to return the favor of what he had done or was he going to go the route that Dean was too afraid of? Either way Dean was ready, he just hoped that he could last for more than a few moments, as his body was already on the brink of ecstasy.

Castiel continued to kiss down, bringing his lips over Dean’s boxers and kissing against his penis. Dean’s penis jerked at the wetness that Castiel’s mouth left behind and he grabbed at the door, looking for anything to hold onto so that he did not lose his footing when his knees gave out.

A moan loudly escaped Dean’s mouth as Castiel pulled his boxers down, not all the way to his ankles but just enough to set him free. He used his hand at first, following the lead of what Dean had done and that was more than Dean could ask for. He bucked his hips against Castiel’s hand, wanting him to stroke faster.

Castiel followed the silent command for a minute before he pushed his head forward and slipped the tip of Dean’s penis into his mouth. Dean’s entire body stiffened against the car, except for his hips which jumped forward towards Castiel. Dean knew he was not going to last long.

Cas started off slow, working Dean’s penis into his mouth. Soon he was pulling back, just to push his mouth around the entire length of it once again. Dean was in heaven, leaned against his dream car, getting the best blow job of his entire life.

Dean breathed in heavily and tilted his head back, closing his eyes to take it all in. Suddenly he was no longer in the garage. Everything disappeared and once again he was in the field, the one from the dreams. He was no longer walking towards the barn but running towards it. His body tensed up, scared of the light, it was going to burn.

He threw the door open and suddenly the light overtook him, he wanted to scream from the pain but there wasn’t any. The light consumed him, swallowed him whole and his entire body came alive. Instead of fighting it, he let it in, accepted it.

Dean’s eyes fluttered open and he looked down at Castiel, the same light appeared to be radiating off of him but not as brightly as he had seen it in his dreams. It was too much. He could not hold it back anymore.

“I’m going to cum,” Dean warned Castiel, unsure of how much he was willing to handle. Castiel continued to suck and lick at Dean’s cock until he could no longer hold it back. His body was on fire and he could no longer hold it in.

Dean grabbed onto Castiel’s head and shoulders as he came, unable to hold himself up on his own. Once he was finished, he collapsed down against his Castiel, allowing him to hold him against his chest. Dean felt weak and confused but at the same time, everything seemed clear.

“Yes Dean,” Castiel whispered into Dean’s ear before kissing the top of his head. “Come back to me. You are almost there.”


	9. What does it mean?

Dean laid in bed staring at the ceiling until the early hours of the morning. He would close his eyes, only to find them opening again and examining the shapes in the room closer than they really needed. By the time five o’clock rolled around, he was texting Benny to let him know that he would not be into work for the day. He never called in sick and saying that he was sick was technically a lie, but he just couldn’t do it. He was exhausted and his mind would not shut up about the evening before. 

What had Castiel meant when he told Dean to come back to him? That he was almost there? Normally, words like that would not bother him but with the vision he had during their intimate moments together, his stomach had been turning and his mind, along with his heart, felt like there was something more to it. Why had he seen the barn dream at that exact time? It did not make any sense. 

Dean finally pushed the thoughts away enough to fall asleep. By the time he woke up again, it was almost two in the afternoon. Ben was sitting on the couch, watching television and eating an ungodly amount of cereal out of a plastic storage bowl. Dean almost said something but brushed it off, Ben could have a day, since he was having one himself. 

“Any milk left?” Dean asked him.

“Yup,” Ben responded around a bite too big for his mouth. 

Dean nodded and made his way for the kitchen. As he passed through the doorway, everything started to spin. He reached out to grab the counter but it wasn’t there. He was no longer in his kitchen, he was standing in a large industrial looking kitchen, with giant stainless steel refrigerators and it was … it was cold.

“Morning,” a voice came from behind him.

Dean turned and nearly fell backward. Sitting at a table was Sam, eating what appeared to be a bowl of oatmeal, and Castiel, nursing a cup of coffee, looking like he had not slept in forever. 

“Sam?” Dean looked over at his brother, looking much older than he should be and more worn down. He then looked over at Cas, who looked less than put together. “Cas?”

"Everything okay?" Cas asked. He brought himself to his feet and made his way over to Dean, a worried look on his face.

"Where are we?" Dean asked. He raised his hand to stop Cas from getting any closer but he didn't seem to heed the warning.

Once Cas found Dean's wrist with his hand, he gripped him tightly. Dean tried to pull away, a sick feeling forming in his stomach. Then it was quiet and the world started to spin. Flash after flash made its way through Dean's mind. He was carrying Sam out of their childhood home, a fire blazing in the background. Endless days and nights riding in the impala with their father. Monsters, Demons, Angel's and Cas. And then they were fighting and Sam was gone. 

"Dad," a voice spoke, startling Dean and causing him to stumble forward into a counter. 

Dean gripped the counter and then turned to see Ben standing in the doorway of their kitchen. He was talking to Dean but Dean could not make out his words. Ben wasn't his son. Ben was Lisa's son. Dean had chosen hunting and left them behind. He couldn't keep them safe in his world. 

His world? This was his world. He was going to be sick. 

\-----

"Dad?" A small voice repeated over and over. Dean held onto the sound, trying to find his way out of the darkness. Where was he?

"Where am I?" Dean asked, opening his eyes but then closing them once again to fend off the bright light. 

"On the floor in the kitchen," the voice answered. "Should I call an ambulance?"

"No," Dean shook his head. "No hospitals. I don't like hospitals."

"I called grandma and grandpa," Ben told Dean as he came to.

Dean pulled himself up the best he could and then leaned against the counter, catching his breath. He couldn't figure out what was happening but nothing felt right. None of this is right. 

_"You know, I couldn't help but notice that, uh, he's turning 8. You and me... you know." Dean looked scared but deep down he was hopeful._

_"You're not trying to ask me if he's yours?" Lisa questioned but there was something behind her eyes that Dean couldn't quite make out._

_"No. No, of course not. He's not, is he?" Dean swallowed hard around the question._

_"What?" Lisa now seemed more shocked than anything else. "No."_

_"Right." Dean was being crazy. Of course the kid who dresses like him and acts like him and listens to the same kind of music as him, isn't his. That would be stupid right?_

"You aren't mine." Dean looked up at Ben, not meaning for the words to come out of his mouth. 

Ben sat back away from Dean, a horrified look on his face. Dean tried to reach out to Ben but he was up on his feet and racing toward his room. Dean pulled himself up off the ground, using all of his energy and tried to run after him but was quickly hit with another wave of memories.

He burned Sam's body in a hunters burial. He had seen so many people go up in flames but losing Sam was the worst. Cas tried to comfort him but Dean wasn't interested. For months, he drowned himself in alcohol. Cas stayed by his side, partaking instead of trying to help Dean through.

Once the alcohol stopped working, they threw themselves into hunting. They chased every case they could find, killing and maiming. It was no longer about saving people. It was all about killing every evil son of a bitch Dean could get his hands on. Then one of them got the best of him and he was in the hospital. He was dying. Cas was by his side, constantly telling him that things were going to be okay, even though they both knew it was a lie. 

And then he was … was this Heaven?

How the hell could this be Heaven? Dean's heaven was a place where the love of his life died and left him a grief stricken single father just trying to make it day to day? That didn't sound like heaven. It didn't seem like a fitting hell either. Maybe he was crazy. 

"Dean?" A female's voice echoed through the house, pulling him back to one reality instead of the many racing through his mind. "Dean, what is going on? Ben was frantic on the phone."

"Where am I?" Dean demanded an answer more than simply asking a question. 

"You are in your house," his mother answered, reaching out to touch his forehead with her hand. "Are you feeling okay Dean?"

"I have to get out of here." Dean pushed her and made his way into the living room. He grabbed the keys to baby, hoping she was able to drive and fled for the garage. By the time his parents caught up with him, he was halfway down the street. He hadn't even put on clothes.

Dean didn't even turn the engine off before running up the walkway to Castiel's front door. He was going to get to the bottom of this, even if he was in fact crazy. 

"Cas," Dean yelled as he banged his knuckles against the door. "Cas!"

It took a minute for Castiel to get to the door. He seemed shocked at Dean showing up but stood back so that he could come in. 

"What the hell did you mean?" Dean asked as he pushed his way into the house.

"I am sure that I do not know what you are talking about, Dean." Cas cocked his head to the side. Dean could picture every time Cas had done that simple gesture. It was many more times than Dean had known Cas in this life.

"You told me to come back to you." Dean tried to explain but it didn't even make sense to him at the moment. "What the hell does that even mean?"

"You," Cas stood up straight, seeming to work through what Dean was asking him. "You went somewhere and were kind of mumbling about light."

"It was from the barn." Dean suddenly remembered. "It's where I met you for the first time. Don't you remember, Cas? Please tell me you remember."

"Dean." Cas stepped forward and began to reach out to him but stopped. "I don't understand. You aren't making any sense."

"You have to remember Cas," Dean pleaded as he dropped to his knees. "Please remember."

"I remember," Cas followed suit and dropped to his knees in front of Dean. "Now please, wake up." 

"Cas?" Dean began to question but then everything went dark.

_Beep Beep Beep_


	10. As The Machine Beeps

Dean could hear a faint beeping sound but couldn't seem to open his eyes. It felt like trying to lift bricks off of his face. On top of that, every inch of his body hurt. Maybe he truly was in hell. It was all just some sick dream to make him feel like he was living a normal life, only to yank it away from him when he was truly finding happiness.

Is that what Cas was? His happiness?

Dean continued to struggle against the weight that was crushing against him. His body was heavy and he was having no luck but he was eventually able to open his eyes. 

It was dim, wherever he was and he could still hear the faint sound of beeping but as he began to focus, the sound got louder in his ear. A moment of struggling to turn his head revealed machines around him. He was in the hospital.

"Dean," Castiel's voice broke through the sound of the machines. 

Dean struggled to turn his head again until he was able to see Cas standing beside him. Had Castiel took him to the hospital when he passed out in his house? Maybe he was truly sicker than he thought if they were willing to admit him. But why did his body hurt so badly.

"You're awake." Cas said softly, looking down at his own hands instead of looking directly at Dean. "They told me I needed to prepare for you never to wake up. I knew they were wrong but it became harder and harder to deny it over time."

"I just passed out," Dean struggled to speak. His voice was raspy and dry. It felt like he hadn't spoken out loud in a very long time. Maybe it was due to him being sick. 

"Dean," Cas tilted his head to the side in a way that made Dean's heart clench with want. "You were in a coma. I do not believe that is the same as passing out."

"What?" Dean went to sit himself up but his body would not allow for it. He sunk further into the hospital bed, trying to get a handle on his breathing. It didn't help that the heart monitor was beeping even louder now. 

"What is happening?" Another voice? Dean did not recognize this voice but he could tell that it was a woman before he actually saw her.

"Grace," Cas turned to the mystery woman behind him. "He is waking up."

"See," she spoke with a smile in her voice, one that he could see when she finally came into view and made her way to the other side of the bed. "I told you that miracles happen."

"How long?" Dean asked, trying to keep his questions as short as possibly to minimalize the pain of talking. 

"Four months," Cas answered, finally allowing himself to make eye contact. 

"What?" Dean looked between the both of them. The woman looked familiar but he was sure he had never seen her before in his life. Though she could have been one of the nurses around when Lisa had gotten sick. "Who is taking care of Ben? My garage?"

"Who is Ben?" Grace looked up to Cas instead of asking Dean directly. 

"My son," Dean almost yelled but learned that he was physically incapable of the task at this time. "Where is my son?"

"Dean?" Cas gave him a worried look. "You don't have a son. Are you speaking of Lisa's son Ben?"

"Of course I am," Dean felt himself growing angry. "Where is he?"

"I assume he is somewhere living with his mother." Cas answered. "I haven't been able to check in on them since … my … uh … fall. But I assume they are doing well wherever they are."

"Your fall?" Dean asked. Then it hit him. All of it came flooding back. It was a mix of memories but the ones where he was Ben's father, they were not real. It had been a coma dream. All of it a lie. Then he remembered. "Sam?"

"He is gone Dean." Cas reached out and gripped Dean's hand in his own. "I am so sorry."

Dean didn't talk after that and quickly tuned out the rest of the room. So much was going on inside of his head that he couldn't keep up. He watched them check him over and his machines but he couldn't bring himself to answer. Finally, they gave up and allowed for him to take some time. They left him after that, all except Cas. Cas refused to leave his side. 

"I dreamt," Dean finally spoke to Cas. "It felt so real. I'm still having trouble believing that it wasn't."

"What about, Dean?"

Dean spent the next few hours talking about the world his brain had conjured up when he was in his coma. He had to take many breaks giving his voice time to rest when it became overly raspy and broken. He didn't leave out any detail, including the parts that involved Castiel. He knew it would be risky but Dean felt like he had lost his entire life twice and holding things in didn't feel right anymore. What was the point in lying when he could lose his life again at any moment. 

"I am sorry that you have lost this life, Dean." This was Cas' only response but Dean could tell that he wanted to say more.

"We can have it Cas," Dean finally spoke, fighting through his fears. "When I get out of here, we can have a normal life."

"I would like that Dean." Cas smiled over at him. "I would like that a lot."

"Good."

______

Dean spent six more weeks in the hospital. His body was healed but it was the weakness from being in the hospital bed for so long that had made him hurt. He had to go through hours of physical therapy in order to get his strength back. And even with that, he was nowhere near where he used to be. He was still thin and would need to continue with physical therapy in order to completely build up his muscles. He even had to relearn how to eat after being on a liquid IV diet.

But luckily, he could continue his healing at home. He hated being in the hospital. He had always hated hospitals. The bunker held it's own level of sadness and grief but at least he did not have doctors checking over him at all hours of the day. It was nice feeling some semblance of control over his life.

"Welcome home, Dean," Cas said as they walked through the front door to the bunker.

"It's good to be home," Dean lied. He wasn't sure where home was anymore but he was certain it wasn't this.


	11. All We Have

Things between Cas and Dean had been awkward since Dean's return home. They still talked and to the outside eye, things would seem normal between them. But Dean knew better and noticed more than someone else would. He noticed how Cas did not invade his space, never standing closer than he needed to unless he was helping Dean with something he was still unable to fully do on his own. Cas acted oblivious to the changes but Dean knew. He never should have told Cas about the dream he had when he was in the coma. 

"Goodnight, Dean." Cas stuck his head into the room Dean was in. They had agreed to sell things in the bunker that could make them money but would not be harmful if it fell into the wrong hands. Dean was serious about starting a new life; a normal one.

"Goodnight," Dean sighed.

Cas gave him a smile and then walked away, leaving Dean more broken than he had began. He knew that he was having trouble admitting it but he wanted Cas. He could still remember the feeling of Cas pressed up against his body. Whether it was his Cas or not, the feelings that came from even thinking about it were strong enough to make Dean dizzy. But Cas didn't want him in that way. He could barely stand to touch Dean. 

"Fuck," Dean groaned, setting down the item in his hand harder than he had intended. 

He'd had enough of this. Cas had always seemed interested in him. Everyone saw it and people said things about it on occasion. They even knew that Dean had feelings back for the now fallen angel. He had always just been too chicken shit to do anything about it or admit how he feels. But he was done running from his feelings. Life was too short. 

Dean ran down the hall, heart pounding in his chest. He knew that his actions would have consequences. Whether they were good or bad was still to be determined. But you went after what you wanted in life, didn't know. So, here he was, pounding on Cas' door.

"Cas," Dean called out to him. "Cas, can I please come in."

Dean waited a few moments, wondering if Cas was actually going to let himself in or if he was going to have to take it upon himself to enter. Luckily for him, Cas opened the door. He was halfway out of his clothes and looking more confused than normal. 

"Dean?" He questioned Dean being at his door with concern written all over his face. "What happened?" 

"Why won't you stand near me?" Dean asked as he entered Cas' room and began to pace back and forth.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Dean knew this was a lie. 

"Don't bullshit me, Cas." Dean stopped his pacing in order to look at Cas, who would not make eye contact with him. "Look at me."

Cas lifted his eyes from the floor to meet with Dean's. For a moment, Dean was so lost in them that he forgot that he was angry. But that only lasted a moment. 

"You used to stand so close to me." Dean continued on. "Personal space was never a characteristic you had. Now, you barely get within ten feet of me unless you absolutely have to. What gives man?" 

"You always used to tell me I needed to learn personal space." Cas answered. "Now you are angry that I am respecting your wishes?"

"We both know that is not the reason," Dean argued. "Why are you lying to me?"

"I don't…" Cas began but his words trailed off.

"It's because of what I said at the hospital, isn't it?" Dean asked. 

"What happened in your dream Dean," Cas started but Dean cut him off, pulling him into a kiss that was nothing more than hard and desperate. 

"Please," Dean begged, tears forming in his eyes. "I just need to feel you."

"It isn't real." Cas tried to pull away but Dean wouldn't let him. "You don't want me Dean. Dream you wants me. I can't, I just."

"You are all I have left Cas." Dean stepped closer, pushing Cas until his back was against the wall. "We are all we have left. Please, just be with me. I need you."

"Okay," Cas nodded. "Okay Dean."

Dean leaned in again, only slower this time. He took his time, tasting Cas' lips against his own. Passion instead of desperation. Want instead of need. Everything he wanted in life was pinned against the door beneath him, kissing him back. 

Dean pulled Cas away from the wall, slowly working at the clothes that he still had on. Once he had him undressed, he quickly removed all of his clothing as well, cursing himself for his obsession with layers. Cas watched on in quiet amusement at Dean's growing annoyance until he was finally free of all his clothes as well.

Once they were both naked, Dean grabbed Cas and led him over to the bed, slightly pushing him. Cas took the hint and crawled onto the bed, lying on his back in the middle. Dean was fairly certain his angel had never done this before, at least not with a man. Technically, he hadn't ever been with a man either. But unlike in his coma induced dream, Dean was not afraid to move forward.

Dean moved slowly onto the bed, working his way up between Cas' trembling legs. He trailed his fingers along the skin, feeling the bumps rise up against his touch. He rubbed against Cas' thighs, then trailed up to his hips and to his stomach. Cas was breathing heavy, almost panting as Dean did everything he could to avoid Cas' now very hard cock. 

Leaning down, Dean kissed at Cas' stomach, rolling his tongue occasionally over the skin. The sounds Cas made at this action made Dean so hard he hurt. He wanted to take his time with Cas, make it perfect. But considering how excited he was and how inexperienced Cas was, neither of them was bound to last long. 

Dean continued kissing Cas' body, working up to his nipples. He lightly flicked his tongue over them and just as Cas would make the tiniest moan of pleasure, he would bite down, causing Cas to arch off the bed beneath him. 

Once Dean found Cas' mouth again, Cas kissed him like he was hungry for it. He needed to touch Dean just as much as Dean needed to kiss him. There was fire and something more electric between them. If Cas didn't believe this was real, he was crazy.

"Dean," Cas whined as Dean pushed his hips down, slotting their hardness together. "Oh, Dean."

"That's right baby." Dean smiled into Cas' mouth.

Dean pulled his hips back slightly and then pushed forward again, causing friction to build up between them. He did this until Cas was a mess beneath him and he knew it wasn't going to be much longer.

Leaning forward, Dean laid his forehead against Cas', causing them to lock eyes. He then lifted his hips enough to slide a hand between them. He took them both into his hand, using the precum leaking between them to slowly stroke their cocks together.

"Dean," Cas cried out. He came hard between them, costing Dean's and and stomach. His body trembling beneath him.

"That's it baby," Dean kissed Cas and stroked harder, pulling his own release. 

They stayed like that for a few moments, panting together and trying to regain control over their hearts. Once Dean was calm, he released his hand from their cocks and fell to the bed beside Cas.

"Cas," Dean leaned in, wrapping his arm around Cas. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course, Dean."

Both of them got out of Cas' bed and made their way into the bathroom to get themselves cleaned up and ready for bed. They were quiet, working side by side to wash their bodies and brush their teeth. Then they made their way into Dean's room. Dean handed Cas a pair of sleep pants and pulled on a pair for himself. 

"Are you sure you are okay with this?" Dean asked.

"Yes Dean." Cas nodded, pulling back the covers and crawling in. 

Dean watched Cas climb into his bed. It was something he knew that he could watch forever. Hopefully this will be the beginning of getting to have this more often.

Dean smiled down at the man in his bed and then climbed in himself and reached over to turn off the light. They laid in silence, only their arms touching. 

"Dean," Cas leaned toward Dean and spoke. 

Dean wanted to answer him but he couldn't. Talking could ruin all of this and he wasn't ready for this moment to be over, so he pretended to be asleep. They could discuss things tomorrow. No consequences tonight. That's all he wanted. 

"I know that in your dream you loved me," Cas continued to speak anyway. "But you didn't love me before. Maybe one day you will truly love me like you think you did. And if that day comes, I will be here. If that day never comes, I will still be here. Because I love you Dean. From the very first moment I saw your soul, I knew you would be the reason I would fall. The greatest reason of all. I love you Dean Winchester. I have always loved you and I will always love you."

Dean fought back tears. He knew that he should respond and tell Cas the truth. He may have let it happen in his dream but he had been in love with Cas for as long as he could remember. Aside from Sam, he was the only thing in life that mattered and no, he was it completely. It just took the dream to show him the truth. But he couldn't tell him now or else Cas would know that he was faking. But he would tell him. He was not going to run this time. 

"Cas," Dean spoke after a while of waiting. If Cas was still awake, it would seem like Dean had just woken up. But Cas didn't answer. Instead, Dean was met with quiet snores. "I love you too Cas. I love you too."


End file.
